Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, February 6, 2015.    

Friday’s Punography….
 
1. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
2. I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn’t have an ending!  
3. If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor. 
4. The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was  
     looking for new material.
5. Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
6. The movie about the mobile home was advertised with a trailer.
7. I had a hand in the puppet show.
8. I’ve always pictured myself taking selfies.  
9. I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn’t have much of a plot.
10. I’m reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.
11. My neighbor just got the part for Scrooge in a local performance. I’d love to go see 
      him, but that play scares the Dickens out of me.
12. Did you hear about the new pinata? It’s a huge hit.  
13. The artist’s favorite swimming technique was the brushstroke.
14. The circus performer pulled his trapezius muscles and now he is flying high on pain meds.
15. I went to the theatre, it looked a bit suspicious. I reckon the whole thing was staged.  
16. The electrician worked hard to get in shape so he could perform with Circuit Soleil.
17. The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note.
18. A pun spun with a good yarn gets fabricated!
19. The humorist’s favorite sandwich was smoked tongue on wry.
20. Cartoons produced by the Japanese government are animes of the state.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. –Shirley Temple

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. –Doug Lars

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. –Bob Hope

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! –Tom Lehrer

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do? –Ronnie Shakes

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. –Rod Serling

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. –Sam Levenson 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

So this string walks into a bar and sidles up to the bar. The string bangs on the bar and shouts “Bartender! Pour me a beer”

The bartender walks over to the string and sternly says “We dont serve your kind in here.” The string says “What do you mean?”, so the bartender replies by pointing to a sign hanging over the bar. It reads “No strings served here”, so the string leaves

As he stands outside, he gets an idea. He bends over until the top of his head is hitting the ground. He rubs his head into the cement. Then, he grabs his feet and pulls them and twists them around his body and then around his body again. Then, he re-enters the bar

“Bartender! Pour me a beer” the string demands. The bartender walks up to him and angrily says “Look! I already told you. We don’t serve strings here!!”. The string, looking surprised says “String? You think I’m a string?” The bartender responds “Of course you’re a string. You were a string when you came in a minute ago, and you’re a string now!”  “I’m a frayed knot” replied the string.

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “That boy ain’t got the life-expectancy of a house-fly.”

Answer:  At Close Range! Brad Whitewood Sr.’s (Christopher Walken) ominous words to his sons, Brad Jr. and brother Tommy (Sean and Chris Penn), regarding an old member of Whitewood’s criminal gang, Lester.

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

I am not a human, nor am I an animal.

I have eyes, but cannot see,

and I have hair that you cannot comb.

My brown skin has several layers but this seems a paradox,

because one is smooth and the other is hard.

My skin protects my soft white flesh; 

and within my flesh is my opaque blood.

What am I?

ANSWER: A coconut!  The coconut is the seed and edible fruit of the coco palm tree (Cocos nucifera). Each coconut has several layers: a smooth, deep tan outer covering; a brown fiber of 1-2″ thickness; a hard, dark brown hairy husk with three indented “eyes” at one end; a thin brown skin; the cream white coconut meat; and at the center, a thin opaque coconut juice.

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic

Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Mark left after healing -> Vehicle

2. To have hit -> Vehicle

3. Intelligent -> Individual store

4. Tiny -> Large retail complex

5. Take illegally -> Bluish green

6. Clean the floor -> Cry

7. Expressed in words -> Give assistance

8. Talk -> Highest level; summit

 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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