Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, February 5, 2015.  

As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.
 
We therefore propose that the following list of warnings appears on every product offered for sale in the United States.
 
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
 
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
 
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
 
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the “Uncertainty Principle,” It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle was correct)
 
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as “Tunneling,” This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor’s Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Damages or Inconvenience That May Result. 
 
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.999999999% Empty Space.
 
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
 
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Yesterday Obama presented a $4 trillion budget that he says would help the middle class. Then the middle class said, ‘You know what? How about you just give us the $4 trillion? We’ll figure out what to do with it.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Harper Lee, the author of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ is publishing her second novel after a 55-year hiatus. This one is called ‘Mock 2: Mock Harder.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Kim Kardashian said during a Q & A yesterday that she’d like to take a selfie with Jesus. Though I think most people would say that Jesus has suffered enough.” -Seth Meyers 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have … a hutch back of Notre Dame.  

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Linda? Do you know you’ve got a man hanging from your ceiling?”     

Answer: Sid and Nancy! Regarding the nude older gentleman chained to the ceiling, Sex Pistols singer Johnny Rotten (Andrew Schofield) poses this question to the flat’s owner, friend and dominatrix Linda (Anne Lambton). The film follows Sid Vicious of The Sex Pistols, his blossoming love affair with American groupie, Nancy Spungen, and their subsequent descent into heroin abuse. Nancy sums it up best early in the film when she says: “Never trust a junkie”. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “That boy ain’t got the life-expectancy of a house-fly.” 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of words below is a commonly known phrase. Try to guess what that phrase is.

1.The total entity of substances which exhibit a reflection of light particles in awesome profusion are not necessarily composed of a soft, yellow metallic substance.

2. A couple offers possibility of camaraderie, while trebly aggregates often have the appearances of a multitude.

3. A member of the class of Aves that energizes rapidly from a state of nocturnal hibernation is able to seize by force or stratagem the lumbrious terristris.

4. Homo sapiens who inhabit abodes composed of pellucid substances containing silicon materials should be prudent of casting hard cobbles.  

ANSWER: 1. All that glitters is not gold.  2. Two’s company, three’s a crowd.  3. The early bird gets the worm.

4. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

I am not a human, nor am I an animal.

I have eyes, but cannot see,

and I have hair that you cannot comb.

My brown skin has several layers but this seems a paradox,

because one is smooth and the other is hard.

My skin protects my soft white flesh; 

and within my flesh is my opaque blood.

What am I?

 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT PAIR OF GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER SOLVING LADIES!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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