Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, January 2, 2015. 

Friday’s Wonder Phrases……..  

Would rehearsing a sermon be how a pastor practices what he preaches?

If you have to collect your thoughts, are you scatterbrained?

Is it a bargain if you buy a violin, no strings attached?

violin

If you’re on a low carb diet, aren’t you going against the grain?

Is it the crack of dawn that causes daybreak?

Is it nightfall that causes the crack of dawn?

Will you find cell phones in prison?

Would a get-together of optimists be a glee club?

How much money do you save when you receive a free gift?

What’s the difference between new and brand new?

If you stretch the truth do you a get a tall tale?

If a race is neck and neck, would that mean it’s a necktie?

Is it okay to use the AM radio after noon?

Why does your house burn up as it burns down?

Does a glee club ever sing sad songs?

Is bar hopping a joint venture?

Is a cured ham a lousy actor who no longer is a lousy actor?

Wouldn’t it be cooler if a man’s best friend was a fox instead of a dog?

woman

Are mixed blessings worst than those in alphabetical order?

Would being woke up by an earthquake be a moving experience?

How come you have to write down something to write up something?

If you talk turkey, wouldn’t you sound ridiculous?

Are odds and ends less important than evens and starts?

Is talking behind one’s back the same as talking in front of one’s back?

When people say “God speed,” how fast is that?

How come you have to fill in a form to fill out a form?

Why can you see stars out but not lights out?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?

Why do they call it rush hour when traffic moves the slowest?

Why isn’t there anyplace to lie down in a public rest room?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Does alphabet soup ever spell trouble?

Can you take a crash course in flying?

How come noses run and feet smell?

When you press the door bell button, should you use your ring finger?

Do old wrinkled people think baggy clothes are skin tight?

How can you dig out of a hole?

Why do people say “bye bye” but not “hello hello?”

Why do people sit down during the day and sit up late at night?

Shouldn’t guests leave a banquet fed up?

If you float an idea, how long before it sinks in?

Do politicians who sling mud loose ground?

Why do you chop down the tree, then chop up the tree?

When you stick your neck out, how do you stick it back in?

Why do they call it a TV set when there is only one?

Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?

If you kick the bucket, aren’t you still kicking?

How come ”needless to say“ always comes with something said?

If you make ends meet, aren’t you just going around in circles?

How come you bite down when the jaw moves up?

Do people who skydive ever think they are jumping to conclusions?

What lies beyond the moment of truth?

When you say something tongue in cheek, why don’t you bite your tongue?

If you saw someone who was two-faced, wouldn’t you do a double take?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Weekend people, and   

remember whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“As they say, she’s nice from afar, but far from nice.” –James DeBello as Rod in “100 Girls”.

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” –Stephen Wright

“They say you think morals are pictures on walls and scruples is money in Russia.”  

–Julia Ormond as Sabrina Fairchild in “Sabrina”.  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Bill and Bob, longtime golfing buddies, were involved in a match-play contest with the score “all-square” at the 18th tee.

Bill slices his tee shot way left, and the ball finally stops on the cart path. Meanwhile, Bob smashes his first shot straight down the middle.

“Oh well,” says Bill, “I should get a free drop from there.”

“Heck no,” says Bob, “We play the ball as it lies.”

And so Bill did.

After dropping his opponent on the middle of the fairway, Bill took the golf cart to his lie on the concrete path. Sparks fly from the cart path, as Bill makes a few aggressive practice swings.

Finally, Bill hits the ball off the cart path, leaving a miraculous shot only 3 feet from the pin.

As the two meet in the fairway, Bob comments, “That was a great shot…what club did you use?”

“Your 6 iron,” says Bill.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘Lose it? I didn’t ‘lose’ it. It’s not like whoops where’d my job go. I QUIT!’

 

Answer: American Beauty! Kevin Spacey said this to his wife after he told her he quit his job and she 

kept saying ‘You lost your job.’  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from???  ‘You’re so much less attractive when I’m sober.’ ‘Well, thank goodness it’s not very often.’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

ANSWER: He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

I contain faces of different colors

for fun they get mixed with one another

It’s easy for them to hang outside their ‘race’

but it’s quite tricky to put them back in their place

With time and patience it can be done

but to mix them up again is way more fun.

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

        

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