Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, January 30, 2015.    

More Punography…
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

A circus lion won’t eat clowns because they taste funny.

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.

A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

What you seize is what you get.

Gardeners always know the ground rules.

Some people’s noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.

When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.

Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Old programmers never die, they just can’t C as well.

A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.

A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.

A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.

A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“On eBay, a group of four Super Bowl tickets is going for $51,000. Although to be fair, that price includes a full-body rubdown from stadium security.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“SkyMall’s parent company has filed for bankruptcy, which could mean the end of the catalog. Airline passengers were really upset. They said, ‘Now what am I gonna spit my gum into?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?” -Dave Letterman 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?” 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Listen, not everybody gets a shot at the brass ring, so you got to ask yourself what’s more important? Your friends or your music?”

Answer: La Bamba! This is President of Delphi Records, Bob Keene’s (Joe Pantoliano) ultimatum to Ritchie Valens, who is about to walk out the door when Keene informs him that he wants to record seventeen year old Valens, but not Ritchie’ band mates. Ritchie simply responds, “My family”. The biopic follows Valens from humble beginnings, through his meteoric rise to the top of the rock and roll charts, to his untimely death in a plane crash along with Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Nobody gets outta here ’til they sing the blues.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

You awake inside a small transparent capsule sitting on the surface of Venus. From a small speaker you hear a voice that says, “We will leave you here either for a day or a year. If you choose to stay a day, we will give you $1 million. If you choose to stay a year, we will give you $2 million. Either way, you will have sufficient food and water. We will make sure the temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit. We will also supply cable TV.”

What is your choice? (Don’t let money decide your answer). 

ANSWER: Choose to stay one year and win $2 million. Venus takes 243 Earth days to rotate on its axis, but it takes 225 Earth days to go around the sun. On Venus a day is longer than a year.    

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question. 

Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter

Answer: Saucy/Seesaw

1. Fundamental * Where the doctor works on a naval ship

2. Government assistance for the poor * Goodbye

3. Worst possible Test Score * Optimistic

4. Relevant * What Jesus was born in

5. Sofa * Cups, saucers, sugar bowl, etc. (2 words)

 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 29, 2015.    

Here’s the Story…………. 
The Cigar Arsonist: A CHARLOTTE, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against (get this) fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued — and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that the cigars would be insured against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire, it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company grudgingly accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the fires. After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms.
So don’t piss off your insurance company! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. H. G. Wells

Dear Lord, I’m so grateful I’m still loved. Vivien Leigh

Of what use were the arts if they were only the reproduction and the imitation of life? Alfred de Vigny

Nature holds the key to our aesthetic, intellectual, cognitive and even spiritual satisfaction. E. O. Wilson

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything.” 

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.  To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “If there’s anything ya need – broads, blow, just dial ‘O’.”   

Answer: Highlander! After spotting the wad of cash on him, the clerk of a NYC transient hotel says this to the Kurgan (Clancy Brown), one of the remaining, and most evil of all the Immortals. The Immortals, who have been fighting each other off through the centuries until only one remains, gather in the Big Apple to fight for The Prize.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Listen, not everybody gets a shot at the brass ring, so you got to ask yourself what’s more important? Your friends or your music?”  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A different fruit (a total of twelve) is buried in every one of the following lines.

Example: A word is considered ‘buried’ when it can be read like P A R I S in the sentence “Grand-pa(pa ris)es at seven every morning.” Can you detect them?

Ah! If I get my good ship home

I’ll find a tempting spot,

Where mayhap pleasant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll shape a charming cot.

Where bees sip nectar in each flower,

And Philomel on hawthorn rests,

I’ll shape a rustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet for angel guests.

Then she who lives and loves with me,

Sing our days of calm repose,

Sole monarch of the flowers will be –

For Myra is indeed a rose.

 

ANSWER: Ah! I(f I g)et my good ship home

I’ll fin(d a te)mpting spot,

Where mayh(ap ple)asant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll sha(pe a ch)arming cot.

Where bees sip (nectar in e)ach flower,

And Philo(mel on) hawthorn rests,

I’ll sha(pe a r)ustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet f(or ange)l guests.

Then she wh(o live)s and loves with me,

Sin(g our d)ays of calm repose,

So(le mon)arch of the flowers will be –

For My(ra is in)deed a rose.    

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

You awake inside a small transparent capsule sitting on the surface of Venus. From a small speaker you hear a voice that says, “We will leave you here either for a day or a year. If you choose to stay a day, we will give you $1 million. If you choose to stay a year, we will give you $2 million. Either way, you will have sufficient food and water. We will make sure the temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit. We will also supply cable TV.”

What is your choice? (Don’t let money decide your answer).

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS & MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER SOLVING JOB LADIES! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         
  

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 28, 2015.   

Wright Pondering……….
 
I wrote a few children’s books… Not on purpose.
 
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
 
I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who live above me are furious!
 
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”
 
While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”
 
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
 
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”
 
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… So I never have to go upstairs.
 
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts.

Paramahansa Yogananda

 A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. – William Arthur Ward

 If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. – Andy Rooney

 Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss

 A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller

 Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an idea: since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up. She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit. 

Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, “Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!”

Sister Mary, crying, asks, “But Mother Superior, aren’t you happy that the abbey is warm?” To which the Mother Superior replies, “Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve.”  

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Not that mother-scratcher! Bill Parks!”

Answer: Raising Arizona! This is Machine Shop Ear-bender’s (M. Emmet Walsh) response to H.I. McDunnough’s (Nicolas Cage) question, “Bill Henderson?”. Newly married to police officer Ed (Holly Hunter), and trying to lead a straight life, ex-convict H.I. is heart-broken when Ed informs him that she cannot have children. Wanting a baby to share “the salad years” with, and adoption out of the question because of H.I.’s “checkered past”, they feel they have no other recourse but to kidnap a baby from the wealthy Arizona family, who have recently given birth to quintuplets. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “If there’s anything ya need – broads, blow, just dial ‘O’.” 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

You grasp my handle and give me a push.

I rotate and roll, doing my job.

You put pressure on me,

and I cause division.

Then you enjoy the fruits of my labor,

while I lie, cast aside, feeling cheesy and red of face. 

ANSWER: A pizza cutter. 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

A different fruit (a total of twelve) is buried in every one of the following lines. 

Example: A word is considered ‘buried’ when it can be read like P A R I S in the sentence “Grand-pa(pa ris)es at seven every morning.”

Can you detect them?

Ah! If I get my good ship home

I’ll find a tempting spot,

Where mayhap pleasant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll shape a charming cot.

Where bees sip nectar in each flower,

And Philomel on hawthorn rests,

I’ll shape a rustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet for angel guests.

Then she who lives and loves with me,

Sing our days of calm repose,

Sole monarch of the flowers will be –

For Myra is indeed a rose.

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 
NICE WORK AGAIN BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, January 27, 2015.    

Amazing Anagrams………..
 
Dormitory == Dirty Room 
 
Desperation == A Rope Ends It 
 
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots 
 
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em 
 
Animosity == Is No Amity 
 
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s 
 
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class 
 
Semolina == Is No Meal 
 
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet 
 
A Decimal Point == I’m a Dot in Place 
 
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake 
 
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one 
 
Contradiction == Accord not in it 
 
This one’s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare] 
 
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. 
 
Becomes:  In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
 
And the grand finale: “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” — Neil A. Armstrong
 
becomes: A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The Obamas invited 22 guests to the State of the Union address, including a former Cuban prisoner, an astronaut, and a doctor. Either that or he was setting up the weirdest bar joke of all time.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn’t read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing.” -Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday a baby was born on a New York-bound flight three hours before landing. Serious question: Would you rather ride next to a baby a whole flight, or have the first half of the flight no baby but then the actual birthing of a baby? Because again, that’s three hours of peace where there’s just no baby.” Seth Meyers

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say “moo.” Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, “Moo? What’s the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ?” “Isn’t it obvious?” the bull replies. “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”  

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “You can start by getting off my property and take that mud-duck with you.”

Answer: Crossroads! Motel owner Lloyd says this to Eugene “Lightning Boy” Martone (Ralph Macchio) when he finds him and Willie Brown (Joe Seneca) playing the blues for clapping onlookers in his parking lot. Guitar prodigy Eugene helps Willie escape an old-age home in exchange for teaching him a song written, but never recorded, by Willie’s old friend, the late blues legend Robert Johnson. Teenaged Eugene and cantankerous Brown hit the road headed to Mississippi where Willie has an old score to settle down at the crossroads — with the devil. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Not that mother-scratcher! Bill Parks!”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. East – Up

2. West – Oak

3. Blog – Ranch

4. Over – Plaint

5. Outage – Ranger 

 ANSWER: 1. Eat – Sup  2. Wet – Soak  3. Log – Branch  4. Overt – Plain  5. Outrage – Anger

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

You grasp my handle and give me a push.

I rotate and roll, doing my job.

You put pressure on me,

and I cause division.

Then you enjoy the fruits of my labor,

while I lie, cast aside, feeling cheesy and red of face.

 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 
NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, January 26, 2015.  

MORON AWARDS…….. 
 
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). 
 
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?] 
 
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. 
 
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes Officer..that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.” 
 
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. 
 
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier – and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers

“New York’s JFK Airport has plans to open the world’s first airport terminal for animals next year. Not to be outdone, LaGuardia has announced plans to finally open a terminal for humans.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat.” -Conan O’Brien 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day scrooge. One day during the winter the lake frozen over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, “I’ll be darned if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!”  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!’

Answer: Goldfinger! Said by Auric Goldfinger to James Bond. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You can start by getting off my property and take that mud-duck with you.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher the musical instruments represented below?

1. P O

2. BA BA

3. ECLART

4. @ # $ %

 

ANSWER:  1. Piano (P and O)  2. Tuba (Two BA)  3. Clarinet (CLAR in ET)  4. Cymbals (Symbols)

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. East – Up

2. West – Oak

3. Blog – Ranch

4. Over – Plaint

5. Outage – Ranger

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, January 23, 2015.  

Wright Thoughts……………. 
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle
making shadows of people on a tree.
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back… Boy, were they mad!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney…
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I’m in a submarine that’s been hit.
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.
I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
I filled out an application that said, “In Case Of Emergency Notify”. I wrote “Doctor”… What’s my mother going to do?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.  Ron White

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. 

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoon’s. “Do you wish to check the raccoon’s through as luggage?” she asked. 

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.” 

 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Give me a milk. Chocolate.’  

Answer: Back to the Future! This is said by George McFly (Crispin Glover) in ‘Back to the Future’. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.  A traveler decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.  He later found that the locals had given the street another name.  What is the name?

ANSWER: Minute street. This is because Street 62 is named Sixty Second Street, and Sixty Seconds = 1 Minute, hence Street 62 is also called Minute Street. 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher the musical instruments represented below?

1. P O

2. BA BA

3. ECLART

4. @ # $ %

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 22, 2015.   

Really Bad Puns for Thursday….
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the thief fell in the wet cement and broke both legs, he became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U. C. L. A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard; he did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road is pure poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell into an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blown-part.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“New research suggests that the first human conversations may have been about tools. Which means the second human conversation was, ‘Hey, can I get back those tools you borrowed?'” -Seth Meyers

“For the first time ever, ‘The View’ was beaten in the ratings by another daytime show called ‘The Talk.’ However, both shows are losing viewers to something called the ‘Off button.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone” 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Have you been there all night?’  

Answer:  Spider-Man! Said by Harry (James Franco) to Norman (Willem Dafoe).

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Give me a milk. Chocolate.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are incomplete words. Place two letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.Emoji

Fu (–) am

Ed (–) ar

Dit (–) urch

Ju (–) eam

Ran (–) ese

Divi (–) bt

Pi (–) upt

Dro (–) rse

Tr (–) aze

Bud (–) nder

 

ANSWER: Fuse – seam  Edge – gear  Ditch – church  Just – steam  Range – geese  Divide – debt

Pier – erupt  Drove – verse  Tram – amaze  Budge – gender 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.

A traveler decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.  He later found that the locals had given the street another name.  What is the name?

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS!   EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji