Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesdays, December 30, 2014.    

Sniglets: Imaginative Words 
Ledzecutive n. A middle-aged businessman who still plays in a rock-and-roll band, or would like to.
Equalotry n. The worship of equality.
Sinistrovert n. Someone who compulsively reads magazines from back to front.
Barendipity n. Not finding something where you expect to find it.
Dijon vu n. The same mustard as before.
Ice-slug n. The last piece of ice remaining at the bottom of a paper cup that just won’t come out.
Snoralator n. An easier word to pronounce and remember than CPAP, a breathing device that prevents
snoring and sleep apnea.
Hydrocondiment n. The watery discharge that accumulates in the mustard or ketchup bottle that comes out first and makes your bread all wet.
Lemonator n. A caustic comment that sours an otherwise pleasant conversation.
Typo-blindness n. The inability to recognize a typo in your e-mail until you’ve pushed the “Send” button.
Confuseless adj. Feeling confused and useless due to pain medication or insomnia.
Napture n. A refreshing, fantastic nap. Especially if you are someone with chronic pain or
illness (we often suffer with severe insomnia).
Cinemuck n. The combination of popcorn, candy, and soda pop on movie theater floors that makes them sticky.
Parkrastinate n. The inability to decide which parking space to choose in a near empty parking lot.
Poufulation n. When a cat gets scared and puff out their tails.
Rectodigitation n. A prostate exam.
Dogdew (dawg-dyoo) n. The moisture on a dog’s nose.
Wheelberg (wheel-burg) n. A large lump of ice that builds up behind a car wheel when it is driven through snow.
Bi-sacksual (bye-sack-shu-ul) adj. Able to accept either a paper or plastic sack for groceries at
the supermarket without any sense of guilt.
Ambaguous (am-bag-you-us) adj. Unable to decide which bag to take on a trip. Women are sometimes
ambaguous about which purse goes better with which dress.
Typelepsy (type-uh-lep-si) n. Having an error rate that exceeds your typing speed.
Namenesia (nay-muh-knee-zhuh) n. Remember everything about a person except their name.
Smellucination (smel-loo-suh-ney-shuhn) n. Thinking you smell something you really don’t.
Transtexting n. Sending a text to the wrong person on your iPhone while texting with two people at the same time.
Spontanudity (spon-tuh-noo-di-tee) n. A quick or rash decision to remove clothing, usually in
public and usually after imbibing a large amount of alcohol.
Kidoozled (ki-doo-zuld) adj. Used to describe parents who erroneously assume that other people
find the pranks of their offspring as charming as they do.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn’t they ever think to do their work during the daytime?” -Jersey Tomato

“I have a list I made when I was twelve of things I wanted to do before I die. Omigod…how embarrassing. Number One: Touch a boobie.” –Drew Carey

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” –Doug Larson  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. 

“Are there two pints in a quart or four?” asked one. 

“There be two pints in a quart,” confirmed the proprietor. 

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. 

“Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us.” 

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, “You did say two pints, didn’t you?” 

“That’s right,” he called back, “two pints.”

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘I just need you to know one thing, that woman, that you saw, by the pool, no, that girl that you just have to spend the rest of your life with…that was me.’

Answer: America’s Sweethearts! Kiki tells Eddie this after they had hooked up for the night and then he told Gwen he wasn’t seeing anyone. He thought it was Gwen by the pool but it was really Kiki. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘You broke out of jail?’ ‘No, we released ourselves on our own recognizance.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Two men went deep into the Dutch Forest: one, a small, meek man; the other, a monster.

They walked for days, until, out of food, they got desperate. The monster murdered the meek man, and ate him for dinner!

He left no remains, whatsoever, and was seen by no one. On his return to civilisation he told no one.

Who was the murdering, cannibalistic monster? 

 

Answer: Me! I told no one, therefore no one else could know about the incident. Only the murderer could tell the story! 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Burn – Bead

2. Rid – Tripe

3. Grove – Rout

4. Charm – Rush

5. Cream – Sweep

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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