Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

bananas

WELCOME to Mondays, December 29, 2014.    

Funny Newspaper Headlines…….  
  • Autos killing 210 a Day; Let’s Resolve to do Better
  • Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad she Hasn’t Seen in Years
  • Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
  • Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
  • Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon
  • Drunk Drivers Paid $2,000 in 2012
  • Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  • Eye Drops Off Shelf
  • Farmer Bill Dies in House
  • Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
  • If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly it May Last a While
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  • Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
  • Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
  • Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
  • Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
  • Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery
  • Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted
  • Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
  • Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  • Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  • Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
  • Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
  • Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter
  • Two Soviet Ships Collide – One Dies
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden tugged on a rabbi’s beard and said, ‘You’re not Santa.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Ninety-nine percent of the eggnog purchased all year is purchased during the week before Christmas. And 99 percent of that eggnog is poured down the drain during the week after Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” —Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” —John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” —Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” —Samuel Johnson

“He had delusions of adequacy.” —Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” —Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” —Robert Redford

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. “No problem,” I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.

“You can’t do that,” argued my four-year-old.

“Don’t worry. Santa will never know.”

He shot me a look. “So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?” 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Once upon a time there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment on her of a fearful sort.’ 

Answer: Shrek! This is the opening voice over as Shrek reads from a more traditional fairy tale. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I just need you to know one thing, that woman, that you saw, by the pool, no, that girl that you just have to spend the rest of your life with…that was me.’

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What do these groups of words have in common?

1. Man true, hairy

2. Son nick, yard rich

3. Son will, row wood

4. Grant, us list you

5. More fill, lard mill

6. Ding hard, wren war 

 

Answer:  If you read the words in each group from right to left, each group sounds out the name of a US President, with commas separating the first and last names.

1. Harry Tru-man

2. Rich-ard Nix-on

3. Wood-row Wil-son

4. U-lyss-es Grant

5. Mil-lard Fill-more

6. War-ren Har-ding

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Two men went deep into the Dutch Forest: one, a small, meek man; the other, a monster.

They walked for days, until, out of food, they got desperate. The monster murdered the meek man, and ate him for dinner!

He left no remains, whatsoever, and was seen by no one. On his return to civilisation he told no one.

Who was the murdering, cannibalistic monster?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

       

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