Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 23, 2014.    

Just Punning Around…..
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen the mall.
Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Christmas is a strange holiday. It’s Jesus’ birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus’ exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook.” Jimmy Kimmel

“It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if you’re a guy, you have six days until you have to start shopping.” -Conan O’Brien

“An olive oil bar has opened in Brooklyn. It offers more than 40 different kinds of olive oil. If you’d like to know more, wait until your girlfriend drags you there.” -Seth Meyers

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet’s famous soliloquy: “To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all.”

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘So where are you?’

 

Answer: Memento! Guy Pearce as Leonard asks this question in a voice over after the opening scene. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from???   ‘First there was darkness.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have the initial sounds switched to form new words. For example, “churning bear” is a spoonerism for “burning chair” (note that the pairs do not have to be spelled the same – only sound the same). From the definitions below, can you figure out the spoonerism pairs?

1. Thumper’s cellphone…mis-named nerve.

2. Where to buy a mallard…jammed portal.

3. Grizzly relative…two pin-lovers.

4. Sad iguana…Merlin slam-dunking.

5. Wasp accelerates…Half a six-pack. 

 

Answer: 1. Bunny phone…funny bone.

2. Duck store…stuck door.

3. Polar bear…bowler pair.

4. Weeping lizard…leaping wizard.

5. Bee throttles…three bottles. 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Ryan and Craig were identical twins born in Seattle in 1961. Ryan was born before Craig, but according to their birth certificates, Craig was older than Ryan. How come?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

       

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