Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

FrightenedEggs

WELCOME to Friday, December 19, 2014.   

Linguistically Challenged….. 
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere else again.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
7. Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
10. Dinner special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
11. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
12. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
13. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
14. Great dames for sale.
15. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
16. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
17. Vacation special: have your home exterminated.
18. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
20. For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
21. Man, honest. Will take anything.
22. Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
23. Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
25. Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
26. And now, the Superstore—unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
27. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Friday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life. – William Morris 

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. – Pablo Picasso

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. Mahatma Gandhi

Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily. Napoleon Bonaparte

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become. C. S. Lewis

That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key. Elizabeth Wurtzel

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. Les Brown

  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A little boy named Tony wants a bike for Christmas really badly, but the kid is a real bad seed, and he knows it. He writes a letter to Jesus. “Dear Jesus, if I get a bike for Christmas, I’ll be good for a whole week.” He thinks about it, crosses out what he wrote, and says, “I can’t be good for a whole week, I’ll be good for five days.” He crosses that out and writes, “I’ll be good for four days.” Then he thinks again and says, “Can’t do that.” He gets down to one day and says, “I can’t even be good for a day.” Then in frustration, goes in his mother’s room and get the statue of the Virgin Mary, wraps it up in a blanket, puts it in a paper bag, throws it in the closet and says, “Dear Jesus, if I don’t get a bike for Christmas, you’ll never see your mother again!” 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? ‘Neighbors heard them screaming at each other like for two hours, it was nothing new. 

Then they heard the gun go off.’  

Answer: Seven! This is said by a police officer who is explaining a crime scene to detective Summerset. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? ‘So sorry, forgot to knock.’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

(Thing 1)

I, at the start, am old

Many centuries I’ve been told

Used by the Greeks

For counting techniques

After things were bought and sold

Later is when I became known

As an infinite figure, when shown

You’ve counted my spaces

Over two billion places

And still, my amount is unknown

(Thing 2)

I, too, am not young

I’m almost as old as Thing 1

I’m just a frog

On the natural log

But I can make counting fun

(Thing 1 and Thing 2)

When you combine us two

In the order of Thing 1 and Thing 2

We’ll be a baked treat

That’s painful to beat

Whether cherry, peach, or aloo

 

Answer: Thing 1 is “Pi.”   Thing 2 is “e,” the base of the natural logarithm.  Thing 1 and 2 are, together, “Pie.”

(an aloo pie is a potato pie) 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

“Welcome back to the show. Before the break, Mr Ixolite here made it to our grand finale! How do you feel Mr.Ix?”

“Nervous.”

“Okay, now to win the star prize of one million pounds all you have to do is answer the following question in 90 seconds.”

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“Right. In 90 seconds name 100 words that do NOT contain the letter ‘A’. Start the clock!”

Can you help?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

       

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s