Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏

Oxymoron

WELCOME to Thursday, December 4, 2014.    

People Say the Strangest Things: These phrases were culled from the small ad columns of local newspapers.  Hidden message, when you think You’ve finished with your paper, check the small ads.

Semi-annual after-Christmas sale.Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $10.00.

Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Tattoos done while you wait.

Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Wanted: Mother’s helper – peasant working conditions.Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Every five years or so, I look back on my life and have a good laugh” Indigo Girls

“My mother wanted us to understand that 

the tragedies of your life one day have 

the potential to be comic stories in the next” Nora Ephron

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh —

at yourself” Ethel Barrymore  

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be 

disappointed to discover they are not it. Bernard Bailey

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. Mary Wilson Little

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. Malcolm Forbes

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. Baltasar Gracian 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station along with her next-door neighbor, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.  The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

Vicky described him clearly and in detail, ‘He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.

Pauline interrupts her protesting, ‘Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.

Vicky replied, with a sigh, ‘Yes, but who wants HIM back?’ 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Transvestites! I need transvestites!”

Answer: Ed Wood! Edward D. Wood Jr., played by Johnny Depp, is casting for another of his terrible movies in this Tim Burton biopic. Filmaker Wood was a some-time transvestite himself and claimed to have fought in World War 2 wearing women’s underwear beneath his uniform. Poor Ed didn’t find fame until after his death, when a new generation of film fans named him the ‘worst director of all time’. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “I’m a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum!”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What word does not belong to the group below? Why?

Earth

CD’s

Clock

Venus

DVD’s

Watch

 

Answer: Earth! The rest of the words all involve something that spins clockwise.  CD’s/DVD’s spin clockwise in machine

Clock/Watch have hands moving clockwise. Venus rotates clockwise on its axis. Earth is not unique. All of the planets in our solar system, except for Venus, rotate anti-clockwise on their axes. Title: Aussie toilets are commonly misrepresented to spin clockwise due to the Coriolis effect. 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

Find the names of ten fish by adding one of the given letters to each word and rearranging the letters. Each letter will be used only once.

A A E H L N N P T T

1. Nut + ? =

2. Tour + ? =

3. Prickle + ? =

4. Floured + ? =

5. Mason + ? =

6. Ringer + ? =

7. Papers + ? =

8. Gyro + ? =

9. Apron + ? =

10. Pompon + ? =

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

     

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