Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 19, 2014.  

Really…

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70! Forget this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arm in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“If you cannot convince them, confuse them.” 

–Harry S Truman 

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” 

–Mae West 

“The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.” 

–Socrates  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, ‘You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.’

Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, ‘And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n’ roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.’

‘Thank you, Father Brian,’ answers the young priest. ‘I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.’

‘All of these ideas have been well and good,’ comments Father Brian wisely. But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.’

‘But, Father Brian,’ protests the young Father Karl, ‘My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!’

‘Indeed,’ replies the elderly priest, ‘And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell” cannot stay on the church roof.’ 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Listen, I don’t want to be a sore loser, but when it’s done, if I’m dead, kill him.”

 

Answer: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid! A 1969 movie, very loosely based (the story is mostly factual, but the dialogue, etc. is mostly fiction) on the story of two famous western outlaws. Butch (Paul Newman) says this to Sundance (Robert Redford) right before the knife fight with Harvey over control of their gang. A very funny scene where Butch kicks Harvey in the crotch right after he gets Harvey to say there are no rules in a knife fight. 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Women weaken legs. Women weaken legs.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Can you decipher the following common phrase?

L8AAAAPORVERYTANTD8

 

Answer: Late for a very important date!  L8 A A A A VERY IN PORTANT D8  

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Flat – Pump

2. Feather – Crate

3. Bet – Stop

4. Ear – Trip

5. Lopes – Shills

 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WONDERFUL SOLVING JOB BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

  

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