Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 18, 2014.  

Witticisms…..

Our friend Eddie has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, Eddie takes something for it.

I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold’em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal flush and five people died.

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. 

I spilled ‘Spot’ remover on my dog.  Now he’s disappeared.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool like Jackson.

Don’t wish ill for your enemy, plan it. 

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give-away.)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Developers are working on a new app that gives you a 10-second warning before an earthquake. The app is called ‘Too Late.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Prince took his first selfie yesterday with an actual camera, because his publicist says he doesn’t own a cellphone. Or in other words, I guess he’s still partying like it’s 1999.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A tiger has been seen running around Paris. Citizens were told to stay indoors and do whatever’s necessary to protect the wine and cheese. They should leave home only to smoke and to judge others.” -Craig Ferguson

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town’s fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, “Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out.”

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Felix replied in astonishment. “People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?”

“Well,” said the chief, “the first thing I ask is, ‘Is it on fire?'”

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Life’s not fair is it? You see, I…well I shall never be king. And you… shall never see the light of another day. Adieu!”

 

Answer: The Lion King! Scar, voiced by Jeremy Irons, speaks this line as he is about to eat the mouse which he caught at the beginning of the movie. Fortunately for the mouse, Zazu shows up and distracts Scar, causing him to drop the mouse. This movie, which came out in 1994, is one of the few animated films that has it all: a great dramatic story line, very funny and likeable characters and great songs throughout. 

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Listen, I don’t want to be a sore loser, but when it’s done, if I’m dead, kill him.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What same three letters fit into the following five combinations to form 5 words?

_ _ _ E F

F A _ _ _ C

D E _ _ _ S

H Y _ _ _ D

L U _ _ _ C A N T 

 

Answer:  BRI.  BRIEF  FABRIC  DEBRIS  HYBRID  LUBRICANT 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher the following common phrase?

L8AAAAPORVERYTANTD8

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

  

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