Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, November 10, 2014.   

Really? 

1.  Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?

3.   If a word is misspelled in the dictionary,

How would we ever know?

4.   If Webster wrote the first dictionary,

Where did he find the words?

5.  Why do we say something is out of whack?

What is a whack?

6.   Why does “slow down” and

“slow up” mean the same thing?

7.  Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance”

Mean the same thing?

8.  Why do “tug” boats push their barges?

9.  Why do we sing

“Take me out to the ball game”

When we are already there?

10.   Why are they called ” stands”

When they are made for sitting?

11.   Why is it called “after dark”

When it really is “after light”?

12..   Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected”

Make the unexpected expected?

13..   Why are a “wise man” and

A “wise guy” opposites?

14.  Why do “overlook” and “oversee”

Mean opposite things?

15.   Why is “phonics”

Not spelled

The way it sounds?

16.   If work is so terrific,

Why do they have to pay you to do it?

17..   If all the world is a stage,

Where is the audience sitting?

18.   If   love is blind,

Why is lingerie so popular?

19.   If you are cross-eyed

And have dyslexia,

Can you read all right?

20.   Why is bra singular

And panties plural?

21..  Why do you press harder

On the buttons of a remote control

When you know the batteries are dead?

22.  Why do we put suits in garment bags

And garments in a suitcase?

23.   How come abbreviated

Is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels?

Aren’t we clean when we use them?

25..   Why doesn’t glue

Stick to the inside of the bottle?

26.   Why do they call it a TV set

When you only have one?

27. Christmas

– What other time of the year

Do you sit in front of a dead tree

And eat candy out of your socks?

28.  Why do we drive on a parkway

And park on a driveway?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and and 

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The number 1 movie in the country is ‘Ouija,’ as in the Ouija board. I can hardly wait for the next blockbuster motion picture – Yahtzee!” -Dave Letterman

“The other night daredevil Nik Wallenda successfully completed a tightrope walk of 500 feet between two Chicago skyscrapers. Then he took part in an even more dangerous stunt – walking through Chicago on the ground.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow is National Healthy Eating Day. But tomorrow is also National Doughnut Day, which seems like bad planning. And then Thursday is National Nachos Day. Poor National Healthy Eating Day. It’s totally outgunned.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. 

Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. 

At just the right moment, I whispered to him, “Okay, throw a light on the roof.” 

The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building. 

 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law in law school.”

Answer: A Few Good Men! This is a great legal drama centering on the court martial of two marines charged with the murder of another cadet. He died as a result of a hazing incident which the defendants claim they were ordered to do which their superior officers deny. Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) says this line to Lt. Galloway (Demi Moore) after their defense of the two defendants has taken an awful turn. This is a very entertaining drama from 1992. Even though it is a drama, there are quite a few funny lines throughout the movie. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “You’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who IS on first. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What animal completes this series?

fly, spider, bird, cat, dog, goat, cow, ? 

 

Answer:  horse

These are all the animals swallowed by the old lady in the nursery rhyme:

– There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she’ll die!

The rhyme continues with the following animals:

– She swallowed a spider to catch the fly.

– She swallowed a bird to catch the spider.

– She swallowed a cat to catch the bird.

– She swallowed a dog to catch the cat.

– She swallowed a goat to catch the dog.

– She swallowed a cow to catch the goat.

The rhyme concludes with:

– There was an old lady who swallowed a horse. She’s dead, of course.

As for the title, a course is part of a meal, which hints at the old lady’s eight-course meal of animals.

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, you are to start with the letter ‘U’, and then each time add a letter and shuffle it to make a new word. You need to continue this process until you reach the word ‘SUPPORT’.

Not including ‘U’, you must do this in six (6) turns.

Good luck.

U

_ _

_ _ _

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

S U P P O R T

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, OUR RESIDENT GENIUS! GREAT 

SOLVING WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

  

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