Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Monday-motivational-fail

WELCOME to Monday, November 3, 2014. 

Daily Pondering………..

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I’ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

Is atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

If the plural of foot is feet, shouldn’t the singular of sheep be shoop.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Footnote:

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and and 

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have 

kept more of it for themselves.  Bruce Grocott

People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. 

Lee Iacocca

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. 

Henry Ford

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Will Rogers

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure. 

John D. RockefellerFunny Wise Words

Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish. – 

Albert Einstein  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”

“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.” 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Have I ever not showed? I mean in 19 years, have I ever not showed?”

“Well, that’s true of everyone till the first time they don’t show.”

 

Answer: For Love of the Game! “For Love of the Game” stars Kevin Costner as Billy Chapel. He is a 40 year old pitcher at the end of his career, whose girlfriend leaves him on the most important day of his professional life, the day he pitches the perfect game. This quote is said between Billy and his coach after he is an hour late to practice. The coach is worried about who he’ll have to put in if Billy doesn’t show. 

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Sam, are you out of your mind? He’s dead.” “That ought to make him easier to catch.”  

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are words or phrases grouped in pairs. There is a different word that fits in the middle of each set that can be defined by both sides. Your task is to find those words. 

Example:

Flower ________ Stood

Answer: Rose

1. Enclosure for animals – __________ – Writing instrument

2. Male sheep – __________ – Collide into something

3. To shove one thing inside another – __________ – A collection of miscellaneous items

4. Not specific or definite – __________ – Military officer of very high rank 

 

Answer: 1. Enclosure for animals – Pen – Writing instrument

2. Male sheep – Ram – Collide into something

3. To shove one thing inside another – Stuff – A collection of miscellaneous items

4. Not specific or definite – General – Military officer of very high rank 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below? 

Sigh_

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAYTOSOLVE BANKS! Emoji

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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