Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 26, 2014.  

Thanksgiving Trivia…….

The first Thanksgiving celebration in 1621 lasted for three days, it included not only food, but also games.  Furthermore, the Pilgrims gave thanks for the bountiful harvest with the Wampanoag Indians.

Pulling the “wishbone” is an ageless tradition at Thanksgiving (and Christmas).  Two people pull the turkey’s breastbone apart, only the person who has the larger piece of bone is allowed to make a wish.

A full-grown turkey has over 3,000 feathers.  Guy’s aunty once counted them!

Firkee is the Native American name for this tasty bird.  Firkee sounds a bit like turkey.

When a Tom turkey [male turkey] gobbles, it can be heard from as far away as a mile.  In fact, only the Tom turkeys gobble, female turkeys make a clucking or clicking sound.

Puritans from the Mayflower used to drink beer. This was probably weak ‘boy’s beer’ and safer to drink than transporting water on a ship.

Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November in the United States.  

Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the second Monday in October in Canada.

Benjamin Franklin, proposed that the turkey should become the official bird of the United States.  Turkeys now look jealously at the protected rights given to the Bald Eagle when they won the Official USA Bird status.

87% of Americans eat turkey on Thanksgiving according to the National Turkey Federation.  During a year the average American eats 17 pounds of turkey, that’s the weight of a decent sized bird.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but the Pilgrims on the first thanksgiving ate deer and not turkey.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and a great thanksgiving, also

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

George Carlin: We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving.  

What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.  I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.  And then discover once a year is way too often.

Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. 

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. 

You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  H.U. Westermayer

There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as if everything is. 

Albert Einstein

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The Taylor’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the Mayflower. They had included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports people and television stars. 

They decided to research and write a family history, something for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and writer to help them.  Only one problem arose – how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair. 

The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book appeared the section about Jefferson read:

Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Why don’t we just…wait here for a little while, see what happens?” 

 

Answer: The Thing! The last line of the film, spoken by Kurt Russell to Keith David. Has either man been taken over by the alien that gruesomely killed the other members of their Antarctic research team? Who knows? The film script (based on a 1938 short story) was written by the late Bill Lancaster, son of Hollywood legend Burt. 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “I think what we’ve got on our hands…is a dead shark.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

H I J K L M N O 

What object does this represent? 

 

Answer: Water. H2O (H to O)  

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

What does this Rebus represent?

Cockroach

Ant

Worms

Rabbit

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

    

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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 25, 2014.  

Funny Chinese Words: Hu Yu Hai Ding? (Who are you hiding)

It helps if you say each one out loud to yourself of course! However you

might want to make sure that nobody’s watching!

That’s not right…………………………….Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?……………Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me asap………………………………..Kum Hia Nao

Stupid man………………………………….Dum Gai

Small horse…………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

It’s very dark in here………………………Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow-away zone………………….No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week……Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight……………………….Lei Ying Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile……………..Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

Did you go to the beach?…………………Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table……………..Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift……………….Chin Tu Fat  

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Facebook is showing no sign whatsoever that they will ever leave us alone. They’re developing ‘Facebook at Work.’ We already have a Facebook for people at work. It’s called Facebook.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love.” -Craig Ferguson

“The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It’s true last time I got frisked, the cop was like, ‘Have you lost weight?'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, “How come you aren’t married?”

John: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”

George: “So what are you looking for?”

John: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she’s got to know how to handle finances, have a nice and pleasant personality — and money, she’s got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn’t hurt either.”

George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!”

John: “Oh, it’s okay if she is crazy.”

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Get out of my way, son. You’re using my oxygen.” 

 

Answer: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest! Jack Nicholson as Randle P. McMurphy to a young Brad Dourif. Jail bird McMurphy decides to take a ‘holiday’ in a mental hospital, but ends up on a permanent vacation from reality when he’s lobotomised, thanks to the twisted Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher). Marlon Brando, Gene Hackman and James Caan were all rumoured to have been offered the role before Nicholson. 

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Why don’t we just…wait here for a little while, see what happens?”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Take away my first letter and I am a store.

Take away the second and people who look at me adore.

Put all my letters back and read me in reverse if you are able.

I am now cars suspended from an overhead cable.

Take a letter away and I become male sheep.

Did you get it, or did the letters you try to keep? 

 

Answer:  Smart!

In order: mart, art, trams, rams 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

H I J K L M N O 

What object does this represent?

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

    

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, November 24, 2014.  

Illogical, Yet Funny English Language………

The market garden was designed to produce produce.  

The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.

The nurse wound the crepe bandage around the wound.

Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Chloe was too close to the door to close it.

When Ted saw the tear in the painting he shed a tear.

How can I intimate my thoughts to my most intimate friend?

Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.

In terms of weight lead is in the lead.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.  Funny English Language

When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Why do our noses run but our feet smell?

I did not object to the object.

Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Our inventions mirror our secret wishes.

Lawrence Durrell

 

Any time not spent on love is wasted.

Torquato Tasso

 

Every painting is a voyage into a sacred harbor.

Giotto di Bondone

 

That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees.

Marcus Aurelius

 

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

Emo Philips

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, ‘Likee soupee?’

The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was ‘Likee fishee?’ and ‘Likee meatee?’ and ‘Likee fruitee?’ and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of his American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, ‘Likee speechee?’ 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Well this is not a boat accident! It wasn’t any propeller, it wasn’t any coral reef, and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper!”

 

Answer: Jaws! 1975. Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) says this quote to Sheriff Brody after examining the remains of the body found on shore. The end of this quote is “It was a shark!” This movie is a lot like “Rocky” in the sense that they are terrific movies that are probably underrated today because of the many sequels, most of them very bad, that followed each of them. 

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Get out of my way, son. You’re using my oxygen.”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What is unusual about this following long sentence?

Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel and Ellen sinned.

 

Answer: It is one long palindrome!

A palindrome is something that can be read the same backwards and forwards. 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take away my first letter and I am a store.

Take away the second and people who look at me adore.

Put all my letters back and read me in reverse if you are able.

I am now cars suspended from an overhead cable.

Take a letter away and I become male sheep.

Did you get it, or did the letters you try to keep?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, November 21, 2014.  

Humorous Place Names

  • Toad Suck, can be found in Arkansas.
  • Two Guns, famously in Arizona.
  • Great Snoring in Norfolk, England.
  • Lickey End near Bromsgrove, Worcestershire, England.
  • World’s End can be found in Berkshire and again near Birmingham, England.
  • Ugley in Essex [There is also an Ugley Women’s Institute, and even an Ugley Landfill site!]
  • There again, there is Purgatory in Maine.out.
  • Barbers shop named: ‘Herr Kutz’.
  • Driving school in Merseyside, England: called ‘L Passo’.
  • ‘Codfather’ chippies, most notably:
    ‘The Codfather’, Camps Bay, Cape Town, South Africa.
  • Restaurant in Belfast called: ‘Thai Tanic’.
  • Teddy bear shop in Penge, England called: ‘Bearly Trading’ 
  • Cut & Face (Beauty salon)
  • Hair Force One (Hair salon)
  • Let’s Face It (Dermal / facial shop)
  • Blow Jab (Boxing gym)
  • Fish Be With You (Aquatic pet store)
  • Income Taxi (Taxicab line)
  • Wash Your Problem (Laundry shop)  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Every five years or so, I look back on my life 

and have a good laugh”

Indigo Girls

“My mother wanted us to understand that 

the tragedies of your life one day have 

the potential to be comic stories in the next”

Nora Ephron

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh —

at yourself”

Ethel Barrymore 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A priest dies and is waiting at the Pearly Gates of heaven. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’

The guy replies, ‘I’m Mike, retired American Airline pilot from Chicago.’

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ So Captain Mike goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands to his full height and booms out, ‘I am Father David, pastor of Saint Mary’s church for the last 51 years.’

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,  ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

‘Just a minute,’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?

‘Up here – we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. 

‘When you preached – people slept. When the pilot flew, people prayed…’ 

 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Only I didn’t say ‘fudge’. I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words – the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word.”

Answer: Christmas Story! The very funny story of Ralphie and his quest to get a BB gun for Christmas, despite warnings from almost everyone “you’ll shoot your eye out”. This particular quote comes when Ralphie says “Oh…”while trying to help his father change a flat tire, and accidentally spills all of the lug nuts in the snow. This movie is full of very funny scenes, like one of Ralphie’s friends sticking his tongue to a flag pole, and getting it stuck there, during recess at school in the winter. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this

quote from??? “Well this is not a boat accident! It wasn’t any propeller, it wasn’t any coral reef, and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper!”

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD, SUPER SOLVING KIM! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Every nation do I know,

But so rarely do I go

Anywhere,

Sometimes people

Come and stare,

Touch me here,

And poke me there,

Spin me round,

Then leave me alone 

When what they sought,

They have found.

What am I? 

 

Answer: A globe 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

What is unusual about this following long sentence?

Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel and Ellen sinned.

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, November 20, 2014.  

Strange Things People Say and Do….

  • A person should bathe once in summer but not so often in winter.
  • Spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.Spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
  • Definition of Census taker – a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
  • Definition of Syntax – Tax paid by the sinners at the church.
  • Definition of Virgin Forest – It is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
  • Future tense of ‘I give’ – ‘I take’.
  • Houses in France are generally made up of Plaster of Paris.
  • Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
  • Parts of Speech – Lungs and air.
  • The word ‘trousers’ is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
  • What is H2O and CO2? – H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
  • What the residents of Moscow are called? – Mosquitoes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A new book claims that Jesus had a wife and two kids. In other words, he suffered even more than we thought.” -Conan O’Brien

“Scientists discovered a virus that makes you dumb. You get the virus from eating green algae. That will cause the dumb virus to kick in. And I’m thinking: Seriously, you’re eating green algae? I mean, you’re already dumb.” -Dave Letterman

“A teenager in Arkansas was arrested after he was caught driving without a license on his way to the DMV to take a driving test, tried to flee, and crashed into a police car. On the plus side, it sounds like he was probably going to fail anyway.” -Seth Meyers 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

My husband is a service technician for an exterminating company. And one of the rules is that he must confirm his appointments by phone the night before a service call. 

One evening, he called a customer and said to the man who answered, “Hi. This is Garry from the pest-control company. Your wife phoned us.”

There was silence for a moment, and then my husband heard the man say, “Honey, someone wants to speak to you about your relatives.” 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Women weaken legs. Women weaken legs.”

 

Answer: Rocky! 1976 Oscar Winner. Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) is saying this quote while punching the bag after his trainer, Mickey told him that he needs to stay away from women while training because “women weaken legs.” This movie, unlike all the sequels, was a very engaging story with wonderful acting. 

 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Only I didn’t say ‘fudge’. I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words – the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Flat – Pump

2. Feather – Crate

3. Bet – Stop

4. Ear – Trip

5. Lopes – Shills 

 

Answer: 1. Fat – Plump  2. Father – Create  3. Best – Top  4. Tear – Rip  5. Slopes – Hills 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

Every nation do I know,

But so rarely do I go

Anywhere,

Sometimes people

Come and stare,

Touch me here,

And poke me there,

Spin me round,

Then leave me alone 

When what they sought,

They have found.

What am I?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 19, 2014.  

Really…

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70! Forget this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arm in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“If you cannot convince them, confuse them.” 

–Harry S Truman 

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” 

–Mae West 

“The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.” 

–Socrates  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, ‘You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.’

Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, ‘And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n’ roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.’

‘Thank you, Father Brian,’ answers the young priest. ‘I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.’

‘All of these ideas have been well and good,’ comments Father Brian wisely. But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.’

‘But, Father Brian,’ protests the young Father Karl, ‘My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!’

‘Indeed,’ replies the elderly priest, ‘And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell” cannot stay on the church roof.’ 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Listen, I don’t want to be a sore loser, but when it’s done, if I’m dead, kill him.”

 

Answer: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid! A 1969 movie, very loosely based (the story is mostly factual, but the dialogue, etc. is mostly fiction) on the story of two famous western outlaws. Butch (Paul Newman) says this to Sundance (Robert Redford) right before the knife fight with Harvey over control of their gang. A very funny scene where Butch kicks Harvey in the crotch right after he gets Harvey to say there are no rules in a knife fight. 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Women weaken legs. Women weaken legs.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Can you decipher the following common phrase?

L8AAAAPORVERYTANTD8

 

Answer: Late for a very important date!  L8 A A A A VERY IN PORTANT D8  

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Flat – Pump

2. Feather – Crate

3. Bet – Stop

4. Ear – Trip

5. Lopes – Shills

 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WONDERFUL SOLVING JOB BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

  

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

15_sec_of_fame-s604x468-18109

WELCOME to Tuesday, November 18, 2014.  

Witticisms…..

Our friend Eddie has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, Eddie takes something for it.

I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold’em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal flush and five people died.

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. 

I spilled ‘Spot’ remover on my dog.  Now he’s disappeared.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool like Jackson.

Don’t wish ill for your enemy, plan it. 

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give-away.)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and  

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Developers are working on a new app that gives you a 10-second warning before an earthquake. The app is called ‘Too Late.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Prince took his first selfie yesterday with an actual camera, because his publicist says he doesn’t own a cellphone. Or in other words, I guess he’s still partying like it’s 1999.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A tiger has been seen running around Paris. Citizens were told to stay indoors and do whatever’s necessary to protect the wine and cheese. They should leave home only to smoke and to judge others.” -Craig Ferguson

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town’s fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, “Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out.”

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Felix replied in astonishment. “People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?”

“Well,” said the chief, “the first thing I ask is, ‘Is it on fire?'”

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “Life’s not fair is it? You see, I…well I shall never be king. And you… shall never see the light of another day. Adieu!”

 

Answer: The Lion King! Scar, voiced by Jeremy Irons, speaks this line as he is about to eat the mouse which he caught at the beginning of the movie. Fortunately for the mouse, Zazu shows up and distracts Scar, causing him to drop the mouse. This movie, which came out in 1994, is one of the few animated films that has it all: a great dramatic story line, very funny and likeable characters and great songs throughout. 

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Listen, I don’t want to be a sore loser, but when it’s done, if I’m dead, kill him.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What same three letters fit into the following five combinations to form 5 words?

_ _ _ E F

F A _ _ _ C

D E _ _ _ S

H Y _ _ _ D

L U _ _ _ C A N T 

 

Answer:  BRI.  BRIEF  FABRIC  DEBRIS  HYBRID  LUBRICANT 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher the following common phrase?

L8AAAAPORVERYTANTD8

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji