Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 20, 2014.   

Things People Say That Are Annoying……

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.

People who are willing to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to get up and change the channel manually.

People who say, ‘Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too’. Yes! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

People who say, ‘it’s always the last place you look’. Personally, I tend to stop looking once I’ve found it.

When people watching a film say, ‘did you see that?’ What do they think I was watching?

People who ask, ‘Can I ask you a question?’

When something is “new and improved”. Which is it?

When people say, ‘life is short’. Life is the longest thing anyone ever does. What can you do that’s longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, ‘Has the bus come yet?’ 

If the bus had come would I be standing there?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

Samuel Butler

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Mark Twain

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Ambrose Bierce

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

James Baldwin 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little leaving speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

‘I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.’

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his speech.

‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, ‘said the politician.’ In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession.’ 

  

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? A woman says to a man, “My uncle thinks you have a screw loose.”  His reply, “Your uncle molests Collies.”   

Answer:  Caddyshack!  Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) has invited Lacy Underall (Cindy Morgan) to his house for an evening. As she is looking around his place she notices some very eccentric decorations, etc. This causes her to disclose her uncle’s opinion of Ty. He replies to her without batting an eye and the evening moves right into a physical direction. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from???  “Is it this, if this is all you see well then you don’t see me.” 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this famous saying?

zain yain xain wain vain uain tain sain rain qain oain nain main lain kain jain iain hain fain eain dain cain bain aain 

Answer: No pain, no gain.  In a backwards sequence, every alphabetical letter comes with the suffix “ain” except “p” and “g” and hence “no p-ain”, “no g-ain”.  

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find three (3) words with a common theme.

STEER

CRASS

PESTER

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, OUR RESIDENT GENIUS! GREAT JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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