Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, October 10, 2014.     

A Humorous Guide to USA Newspaper Readers….

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave L.A. to do it.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

It is generally believed that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding

which bringeth peace. – Helen Keller

People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. – Bob Dylan

Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. – William James

The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. – Anonymous.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. – Jimi Hendrix

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Unknown, but often attributed to Albert Camus

The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values. – Norman Thomas

Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame. – Bertrand Russell

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Barbara, during her nurse’s training at a hospital just outside Washington, DC, had little money for meals, so she often resorted to the food provided at the hospital refectory, even though she had a great dislike for its rather bland taste.

Barbara often took her breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give her some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

On one particular evening an English woman, from the East end of London, brought a home made pie to the kitchen and said to Barbara, ‘Would you eat this up, love?’

Barbara and her student friend devoured every last delicious crumb.

Soon their benefactor returned, however, and asked, ‘Is me ‘usband’s pie ‘ot yet, dearie?’ 

 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a man

in the depths of an ether binge…”

Answer:  Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! Johnny Deep cranked out this line toward one of the ends of one of his many massive speeches in this Terry Gilliam masterpiece. Trying to watch this movie sober is challenging so as your attorney I recommend a steady regiment of mind altering drugs to help you cope.

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most depraved act of sexual theater known to man, one being your average Friday night run through at the Lomax household, I’d say not to be a modest, Maryann and I got it on at about seven.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 Can you decipher this:

mce

mce

mce

Answer:  Three Blind Mice; [they have no I’s].Emoji

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you find the word within a word for each set of clues listed below? The dashes beside each clue tell you how many letters are in the word you are to find. (ex. A young lion…in skin diving gear = ScubA)

1. A snooze…in a hiking bag: __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

2. An armed conflict…in one who lacks courage: __ __ __ __ __ __

3. A line of seats…in a king’s headdress:__ __ __ __ __

4. A brooch…in a statement of belief:__ __ __ __ __ __ __

5. A math term…in a fireman’s climbing apparatus:__ __ __ __ __ __

 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

 

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