Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, September 29, 2014.    

Ten Very Funny Tales: You Couldn’t Make It Up!…………….

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two [counterfeit] $16 bills.

A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.

A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, Missouri, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle laboured for thirteen years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an inebriated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Some sad news from the world of reality TV. Mama June and Sugar Bear from ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ are splitting up. Their lawyers are citing unintelligible differences.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Many of the leaders and assistants to the leaders from around the world were in attendance at the U.N. Climate Summit. They say this was arguably the most high-profile, significant meeting that will in no way change anything whatsoever.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A bachelorette party missing since Monday after a hurricane hit has been found and safely returned to California. When asked about the ordeal one of the girls said, ‘We were screaming, everything was spinning, there were bodies everywhere — and then the hurricane hit.'” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, “What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?”  Expecting to see “the D-Day invasion” as the answer, I found instead on one paper, “Moses and the plague of frogs.”  

 

Friday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???   ‘Good…I’m looking for a job with the least amount of responsibility.’

 

Answer: American Beauty! Kevin Spacey at his interview at Mr. Smiley’s Burgers. 

 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from???  ‘Jump back.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

According to U.S. law, there are officially designated days that all U.S. flags are to be flown at half-mast (for example: Memorial Day). The President and state governors also have the right to declare certain days that flags are to be flown at half-mast. 

There is a particular group of U.S. flags that are never lowered to half-mast and appear to “violate” this U.S. Law. These flags were erected by U.S. Military personnel, but those troops will never be accused of doing anything wrong for those violations.

These flags are currently displayed today, and they have been for numerous years. Where is this particular group of flags displayed? 

Answer:  These flags are on the moon. The first of these U.S. flags were deployed to the moon on July 20, 1969 by NASA astronauts. There are a total of 6 US flags deployed to the moon surface, one for each visit to the moon (Apollo 11, 12, 14, 15, 16 & 17). We can only assume they are still standing and were not knocked down when the lunar modules’ engines fired.

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

A two hundred dollar purchase

With a twenty-five dollar rent,

Until you have all four of us,

Then an even return you’ll get.

One is next to Illinois,

And one borders Virginia.

One has no state name next to it,

The fourth’s near Pennsylvania

What are we?

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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