WELCOME to Thursday, September 25, 2014.
Extracts from Funny Resumes……
1. ‘I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.’
2. ‘I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.’
3. ‘I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.’
4. ‘Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.’
5. ‘Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.’
6. ‘Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.’
7. ‘It’s best for employers that I not work with people.’
8. ‘Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.’
9. ‘You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.’
10. ‘Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.’
11. ‘I was working for my mom until she decided to move.’
12. ‘Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.’
13. ‘I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.’
14 ‘I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.’
15. ‘I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. ‘
16. ‘My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new study found that artificial sweeteners in diet soda might actually increase some people’s chances of obesity. Doctors recommend people just drink water, while people said, ‘No. We’re drinking diet soda. You guys figure it out.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man scaled the White House fence and ran across the lawn to the front door. The White House has re-evaluated its security and today they announced they’ll start locking the front door. They’re also going to start asking who’s there when someone knocks.” -Conan O’Brien
“It’s a sad day as we hear that America’s sweethearts – the Honey Boo Boos, Mama June and Sugar Bear – are separating. Apparently Mama June caught Sugar Bear cheating with other women. They were Betty Crocker, Mrs. Butterworth, Little Debbie, Sara Lee, and Aunt Jemima.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A few weeks after a young man had been employed; he was called into the Human Resources administrator’s office. ‘What is the meaning of this?’ the personnel officer asked. ‘When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I have discovered this is the first position You’ve ever held.’
‘True’, the young man answered with a smile, ‘in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination.’
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘5 O’Clock…Jazzersize.’
Answer: The Grinch! The Grinch (Jim Carrey) making the excuse that his schedule wouldn’t allow it.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this
quote from??? ‘Frank…, you fought with inspiration.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The word candy can be spelled with just 2 letters. Can you guess which ones?
Answer: c and y
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are incomplete words. Place three (3) letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
unf (_ _ _ ) est
to (_ _ _) tures
hic (_ _ _) ful
eit (_ _ _) etic
fee (_ _ _) eder
he (_ _ _) ful
TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.