Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, September 11, 2014.      

Funny thoughts to Ponder for Thursday…..

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why don’t we ever see this headline: Psychic Wins Lottery ?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a ‘Broker’?  

Who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavour?

Why isn’t there mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a ‘new & improved’ flavour?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do they call the airport ‘the terminal’ if flying is so safe?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, why aren’t people from Holland called ‘Holes?’

Why do we say something is out of whack?  What is a whack, anyway?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?  Shouldn’t they be wearing nightgowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, ‘A penny for your thoughts, ‘and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

There is no shorter sentence in the English language than ‘I am’.  

Readers point out that actually, ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?  Think about it!

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as  ‘4’s’?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Why do they display pictures of criminals in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Recently we called a business phone number and heard the following: If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, press one now. If you are calling from a rotary phone, hang up and call back from a touch-tone phone.
 
“I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you’re single you’re as happy as you are. When you’re married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the apartment.” –Tom Hertz
 
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed “FOR SALE BY OWNER” signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much do you want for the trees?” a young man asked. 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship’s narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. 

There wasn’t room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone’s relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, “It’s okay, Mother, you can come down now.” 

Wednesday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? ‘That was a hell of a thing.’
 
Answer:  ‘Galaxy Quest’ The very spacey Fred after being transported to an alien ship.
 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Take it easy.’  ‘I’ll take it any way I can get it.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first. Example: Begin -> Heavenly body Answer: The words are Start and Star.
1. Position; observe -> Compete
2. Introductory textbook -> First in rank
3. School subject -> Floor covering
4. Written composition -> Show displeasure
5. Make again -> A color
6. What person (objective) -> What person (subjective)
7. Close together; slow to learn -> Lairs
8. Therefore -> Unit of energy
 
Bonus: Take the eight curtailed letters and form a one-word anagram; you will find an assignment. 
 
Answer:  1. View -> Vie  2. Primer -> Prime  3. Math -> Mat  4. Book -> Boo  5. Redo -> Red  6. Whom -> Who
7. Dense -> Dens  8. Ergo -> Erg   Bonus: HOMEWORK
 
Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….
Listo, the leader of a band of assassins, was taken captive by an opposing kingdom. “Give your daggers,” said one of the generals, “Or you are to be executed. But since you killed so many of our knights, we shall give you a small test. You must say a statement. If the statement is true, we burn you on a stake. If the sentence is false, we stab you through the heart. If you do not say anything, you are thrown to the lions. If you say something we can’t verify, you will be forced to drink a cup of hemlock. If it is not a statement or if it is a paradox, we simply toss you into the nearby volcano. We shall give you one hour to ponder.” 
 
What should Listo say?
 
 
 
TODAY’S PURE GENIUS OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING MONDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!  GREAT JOB AGAIN BANKS!!!! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

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