Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 20, 2014.   

True Calls to the Emergency Services  [911 in USA and 999 in UK]

911 Calls

Call one – Wrong gear?
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? 
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address? 
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Caller two – Wrong Child?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child? 
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Caller three – Wrong state?
Dispatcher: 911 
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? 
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? 
Caller: No.

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? 
Caller: Running from the Police.

Caller four – Wrong order?
It may have seemed like an emergency at the time, but an inebriated man from Hebron, Connecticut, USA, is now regretting his call to 911. The 35 year old man was arrested when Police reported that he called 911 numerous times and told the dispatcher he was out of beer and asked them to pick up more for him. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and will appear in court soon.

Caller five – Wrong number?
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency? 
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. 
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. 
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Caller six – From 5 ridiculous people to 1 remarkable dog

When Leana Beasley of Richland, Washington, USA, fell out of her wheelchair, her service dog, Faith, called 911 by pushing a speed-dial button on Beasley’s phone with her nose. Beasley, 45, who suffers from grand mal seizures, had trained Faith, with the help of the Assistance Dog Club of Puget Sound, to call for help in the case of emergencies. The 4-year-old Rottweiler barked into the receiver until the 911 dispatcher sent help. Then she opened the door when the paramedics arrived. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Today is Jamaican Independence Day. Today in Jamaica, everyone spent the day smoking, drinking, and having a great time. Then they remembered it was Independence Day.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“LinkedIn has agreed to pay a $6 million settlement to employees. Unfortunately, the employees haven’t heard about it because like everyone else they automatically delete all emails from LinkedIn.” -Conan O’Brien
 
Today is National Middle Child Day. And appropriately, it won’t get any attention.” -Seth Meyers 
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill’s hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.

 

Tuesday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? ‘You may wake up one day and find yourself extinct.’  
 
Answer: Blade! Blade: ‘There are worse things out tonight than vampires.’ Karen: ‘Like what?’ Blade: ‘Like me.’ 
 
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘There’s a click before the strike. Listen to the clock.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Each of the clues below describe a famous pair (example: Salt & Pepper). Can you name each pair?
 
1. Jingly sound makers & accompanying sounds heard on the Seven Dwarfs commute
2. Corny phrase used by photographers & thin crisp wafers
3. Small spherical play toy & a letter propagated to many people threatening bad luck unless forwarded
4. Mayberry’s deputy sheriff & hollow round percussion instrument
5. A cheery, cheerful or joyous disposition & a unit of company stock
6. Long slender conifer leaf & message board continuous chain of postings
7. Kevin of “Six Degrees” trivia fame & chicken predecessors
8. Writing implement loaded with ink & bank employee that receives or pays out money
9. A paste made from ground goober peas & sweet spread prepared from Concord Grapes
  
Answer: 1. Bells & Whistles  2. Cheese & Crackers  3. Ball & Chain  4. Fife & Drum  5. Sonny & Cher
6. Needle & Thread  7. Bacon & Eggs  8. Penn & Teller  9. Peanut Butter & Jelly
 
Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….
The following is an advertisement for a common item. The ad agency, however, is trying to entice buyers by making the item sound more impressive than it really is. Can you tell what is being sold here?
 
DEFY GRAVITY!
As you command water – or any liquid – to flow upwards! Could you be tampering with the secrets of the Earth? Your friends will be amazed! Just $1.99.
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIOUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK LADIESEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji 
 

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