Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 6, 2014.     

Marriage One-liners

  • At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’
  • After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’
  • A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’.  Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.Preparing for Marriage - A look at hell
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
  • Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
  • A husband said to his wife, ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’
  • A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, ‘OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.’
  • How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  • A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”
–George S. Patton
“We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.”
–Oscar Wilde
“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”
–Abraham Lincoln
Any husband who says. ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners’, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
Bill Cosby
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Benjamin Franklin
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, my wife, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn’t plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she walked over to the nearby marina.  Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. Words of Wisdom – About Women

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.  Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee. Or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood.’
 
Answer: Gladiator! The real Commodus was the only emperor to fight in the gladiatorial games. He was also strangled in his dressing room by an athlete named Narcissus who was born in the same province where Maximus became a gladiator.   
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   ‘I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
“She” is a word that contains two personal pronouns: she and he. What five-letter word beginning
with “U” contains four personal pronouns?
  
Answer: usher: us, she, he, and her
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
To some I am considered a doctor,
and to many, my title is abbreviated.
I was also once a soldier who fought for many years. 
After many battles, I have at last retired and have found other things to do.
 
Who am I?
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!  GREAT JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji 

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