Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 5, 2014.    

Truisms and Witticisms……………
Never try to teach a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never go to Dudley. It’s not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
Dog owners! Your monstrously large hound is not more afraid of me than I am of it.
The trick is to find the right man in the right pub.
Never pretend you can horse-ride.
People who say, ‘I’m beside myself, ‘are often mistaken; with the notable exception of time travelers and Siamese twins.
If you can’t believe it’s not butter, you’re an idiot.
Cats know more than they let on.
Beginning a sentence, ‘Now, don’t get angry…’ will always have the reverse effect.
Nobody has ever read the small print of a mobile-phone insurance contract.
You can’t skip and be unhappy at the same time.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither works.
Too many cooks spoil the TV schedules.
Never ever mix sleeping pills and laxatives.
Nothing productive can come from just nipping in for a quick pint at two in the afternoon.  (Will may have to differ here.)
There’s nothing you could wish for in life that you couldn’t buy from a man in a pub.
You can live your life through a computer.
Lenny Henry isn’t very funny.
Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit… but it’s still funny.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
BF Skinner
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Tom Stoppard
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones
Invention is the mother of necessity.
Thorstein Veblen
2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
Grabel’s Law
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Henry J. Tillman
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.
Edgar Watson Howe
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not.

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? “We’re a long line of Athols.”
 
Answer:  Made of Honor! This 2008 movie stars Patrick Dempsey as Tom Bailey, a man who is trying to win over the girl, Hannah (Michelle Monaghan), who he has been best friends with for a long time, and who, he realizes, is the love of his life just as she is about to get married to Colin McMurray (Kevin McKidd).  The wedding is to be in Scotland, so Hannah, Tom, who Hannah has designated as her maid of honor, and Colin all go to Scotland in preparation for the wedding. This quote is said during Colin’s family dinner in Scotland by Colin’s mother, played by Hannah Gordon, referencing the reasoning for her choice of baby name (Athol) for when Colin and Hannah have a baby boy. Her lispy accent, however, induces snickering from Tom and Hannah. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee. Or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What does the following rebus represent?
1. Do Do
2. Dew Dew
3. Due Due  
  
Answer:  To Do List  (Two “do/dew/etc.” list)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
“She” is a word that contains two personal pronouns: she and he. What five-letter word beginning 
with “U” contains four personal pronouns?
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

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