Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

14

WELCOME to Wednesday, July 30, 2014.   

Obituary – Common Sense…………..
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain
Why the early bird gets the worm
Life isn’t always fair
and maybe it was my fault
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
Samuel Butler
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a darn fool about it.
W.C. Fields
The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
James Baldwin
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best.Jungle talk - Funny story

The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance.

The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength … None in the forest dared to challenge him.

The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature.

As the trio debated the issue, an alligator came along and swallowed them all … hawk, lion and stinker. 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  Person 1: “We have come to the most critical area of masculine behavior…dancing.” [Person 2 starts dancing] Person 1: “Truly manly men do not dance.” Person 2: “Oh, come on!”
Answer:  In and Out! This 1997 movie stars Kevin Kline (for the third time in a row) as Howard Brackett, an English teacher from the quiet little town of Greenleaf, Indiana who discovers he is gay (after much denial) after a former student of his (now a world-famous actor) outs him during an Oscar acceptance speech.  This exchange is between Howard (Person 2) and a self-help cassette tape (Person 1) (titled “Be a Man: Exploring Your Masculinity”), when Howard is trying to become more masculine in order to prove to the people in the town that he is not gay. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  Person 1: “Do you have a Band-Aid and antibiotic cream?” Person 2: “No, no, and sadly, I think I’ve lent out my iron lung.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.  Example: Begin -> Heavenly body  Answer: The words are Start and Star.
 
1. Fragmented; torn -> Lacking funds
2. Place of shelter; a refuge -> Possess; own
3. Community; village -> Pull behind
4. Paradise -> Throw with effort
5. Grass -> Set of rules imposed by an authority
6. Chess piece -> Clawed animal foot
7. Bedding, tablecloth -> A mark longer than it is wide
8. Baker’s number -> Sleep lightly 
  
Answer: 1. Broken -> Broke  2. Haven -> Have  3. Town -> Tow  4. Heaven -> Heave  5. Lawn -> Law
6. Pawn -> Paw  7. Linen -> Line  8. Dozen -> Doze 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
George is dead. He was found face down in the street, squashed nearly flat. He must have been there some time as he was cool to the touch. In addition, when he was found, there was a bird perched on the back of his head.
 
Who is George?
 
EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s