Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

aggr

WELCOME to Wednesday, July 23, 2014.   

 
Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Women Fall CatalogEmojiEmoji
Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag
2. You Can Change The Oil Too
4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
8. Parenting – Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
11. Get A Life – Learn To Kill Spiders and Flies Yourself
12. Balancing A Checkbook – Even You Can Get It Right
13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
14. You, The Whining Sex
15. Shopping – Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
17. How To Close The Garage Door (Day & Night)
18. If You Don’t Want An Excuse, Don’t Demand An Explanation
19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
20. Living Without Air Conditioning and Power Windows – How To Turn A Crank
21. Romanticism – The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
23. Why You Don’t Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack
27. Female Friendship – Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
29. Attainable Goal – Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off! 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???   Person 1: “There must be something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life.” Person 2: “Yes. I wanna see Brazil and Czechoslovakia and India–” Person 3: “Actually, there is no Czechoslovakia.” Person 2: “What?” Person 3: “It’s–it’s either the Czech Republic now or Slovakia.” Person 2: “Since when?” Person 3: “1992.” Person 2: “India’s still there, right?” Person 3: “Yes. Yes. Absolutely.”
 
Answer: Mad Money! This 2008 film stars Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes as three workers at the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank who decide to smuggle money that is due to be destroyed out of the bank.  In this quote, Bridget (Keaton) (Person 1) asks Jackie (Holmes) (Person 2) about what she would use the money for. Don (Bridget’s husband, played by Ted Danson) (Person 3) interjects, correcting Jackie on her geography. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? Person 1: “Prison.” Person 2: “Albuquerque. See, I can do it, too. Snorkel.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser you are to try and unscramble the set of letters in each set of brackets to complete these quotations. Good luck!
 
1. We may (FMFIAR) absolutely that (OHTNGIN) great in the (DWLOR) has been (DAECHCSOIMLP) without (NSPOAIS). 
 
2. (ELVI) as if you (ERWE) to die (WTMOROOR). (NLREA) as if you were to (LIEV) (ORERVEF). 
 
3. The way to get (DSETRAT) is to (UQTI) (GLATNIK) and (NBEIG) (ODGNI).
Answer: 1. We may (AFFIRM) absolutely that (NOTHING) great in the (WORLD) has been (ACCOMPLISHED) without (PASSION). 
 
Hegel.   2. (LIVE) as if you (WERE) to die (TOMORROW). (LEARN) as if you were to (LIVE) (FOREVER).  M.K. Gandhi
 
3. The way to get (STARTED) is to (QUIT) (TALKING) and (BEGIN) (DOING). Walt Disney 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I have no mind or a soul. 
I’ve been eternally attached since man’s dawn. 
My kind disappear on and off, 
to everyone I accompany them to their death, 
and buried with them, then I hide away when the casket shuts.
 
 
EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji

      

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