Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

 

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 22, 2014.       

My Top 20 Jobs: A punny story…….
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn’t concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.
Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“President Obama called German Chancellor Angela Merkel to talk about improving relations with our country after this latest spying scandal. Obama made her a pretty good offer. He said, ‘Look, we’ll stop spying if we can borrow your soccer team.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Speaking of Obama, yesterday Congressman Raul Labrador said that impeaching President Obama isn’t a good idea, because, quote, ‘no one wants President Joe Biden.’ And that’s when Biden realized why Obama picked him as a running mate.” –Jimmy Fallon
“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is in Iowa campaigning at a big cookout because this is what you do if you want to be president. He’s out there all day telling people the hotdog line is closed for a traffic study.” –David Letterman
“If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between the governor and the potato salad.” –David Letterman
“A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region’s really angry about it – unless they’re downwind, then they’re totally cool.” –Conan O’Brien
“There’s currently a petition to split California into several states. Among the new states would be Botoxia, Pornsylvania, and of course, the Commonwealth of Kardashiania.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

 

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing.

 

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

 

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? ‘Shut your hole, you filthy scum.’
 
Answer: A Clockwork Orange!   
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  Person 1: “There must be something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life.” Person 2: “Yes. I wanna see Brazil and Czechoslovakia and India–” Person 3: “Actually, there is no Czechoslovakia.” Person 2: “What?” Person 3: “It’s–it’s either the Czech Republic now or Slovakia.” Person 2: “Since when?” Person 3: “1992.” Person 2: “India’s still there, right?” Person 3: “Yes. Yes. Absolutely.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I drift forever with the current
Down these long canals they’ve made
Tame, yet wild, I run elusive
Multitasking to your aid.
Before I came, the world was darker
Colder, sometimes, rougher, true
But though I might make living easy,
I’m good at killing people too.
Answer: Electricity
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser you are to try and unscramble the set of letters in each set of brackets to complete these quotations. Good luck!
 
1. We may (FMFIAR) absolutely that (OHTNGIN) great in the (DWLOR) has been (DAECHCSOIMLP) without (NSPOAIS). 
 
2. (ELVI) as if you (ERWE) to die (WTMOROOR). (NLREA) as if you were to (LIEV) (ORERVEF). 
 
3. The way to get (DSETRAT) is to (UQTI) (GLATNIK) and (NBEIG) (ODGNI).
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji

      

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