Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, July 18, 2014.       

 Steven Wright Thoughts……. 
 
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I’ll let you have the pen!
 
What do batteries run on?
 
Are there any questions?
 
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
 
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
 
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
 
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
 
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
 
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
 
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back… Boy, were they mad!
 
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney…
 
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I’m in a submarine that’s been hit.
 
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.
 
I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
 
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
 
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
 
I filled out an application that said, “In Case Of Emergency Notify”. I wrote “Doctor”… What’s my mother going to do?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.  Ron White
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
Money, Woman, Successful People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

 

But…..Thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license! 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???   ‘It’s great to be young and insane.’
Answer:  The Dream Team!
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? ‘Shut your hole, you filthy scum.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What is the link between the following countries?
 
Argentina
Australia
Brazil
Chile
Colombia
Liechtenstein
Madagascar
Slovenia
 
Czechoslovakia also shared this link, although neither the Czech Republic nor Slovakia do individually.
Answer: They all have internet top-level domains that are chemical symbols.
 
Argentina – .ar – argon
Australia – .au – gold
Brazil – .br – bromine
Chile – .cl – chlorine
Colombia – .co – cobalt
Liechtenstein – .li – lithium
Madagascar – .mg – magnesium
Slovenia – .si – silicon
 
Czechoslovakia had the domain .cs, shared with caesium, whereas the Czech Republic (.cz) and Slovakia (.ck) lack this property. 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I drift forever with the current
Down these long canals they’ve made
Tame, yet wild, I run elusive
Multitasking to your aid.
Before I came, the world was darker
Colder, sometimes, rougher, true
But though I might make living easy,
I’m good at killing people too.
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji

    

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