Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

download (1)

WELCOME to Monday, July 7, 2014.      

IT WASN’T MY FAULT…….. 

The ingenuity of drivers involved in accidents, in seeking to assert their innocence, or at least excuse their errors, is apparently inexhaustible, judging from this genuine selection of excerpts from insurance claims. 

<> I consider that neither vehicle was to blame, but if either were to blame, it was the other one. 

<> I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before. 

<> One wheel went into the ditch, my feet jumped from the brake to the accelerator 

      pedal, leaped across to the other side, and jammed into the trunk of a tree. 

<> I collided with a stationary tram car coming the other way. 

<> To avoid a collision, I ran into the other car. 

<> The car had to turn sharper than was necessary, owing to an invisible truck. 

<> After the accident, a working gentleman offered to be witness in my favor. 

<> I collided with a stationary tree. 

<> The other man altered his mind, so I had run over him. 

<> I told the other idiot what he was, and went on my way. 

<> I can give no details of the accident, as I was somewhat concussed at the time. 

<> A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 

<> I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen. 

<> I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances. 

<> I thought the side window was down, but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it. 

<> A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted. 

<> A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car. 

<> She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met. 

<> A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife’s face. 

<> I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife. 

<> I misjudged a lady crossing the street. 

<> Coming home, I drove into the wrong house, and collided with a tree I haven’t got. 

<> I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away. 

<> The other car collided with mine, without giving any warning of its intentions. 

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
 
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
 
Great, Woman, Her Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
 
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.  Elbert Hubbard
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” his friend replied, “and left me $25,000. Then in September my father died, leaving me $90,000.” “Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.” “And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.” His friend continued. “Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.” “Then this month,” concluded, the friend, “absolutely nothing!” 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m gonna…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…Go!’
  
Answer: The Whole Nine Yards
This quote is said by Oz as he is leaving Jimmy’s house. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Yea, that’s even better than the leopard suit!’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 It’s true I bring serenity,
And hang around the stars,
But yet I live in misery,
You’ll find me behind bars.
With thieves and villains I consort,
In prison I’ll be found,
But I would never go to court,
Unless there’s more than one.
Answer: The letter S  
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Starting with a one-letter word or abbreviation, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next. A clue is given for each.
 
Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!
 
The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.
 
 
1. Describing a 180 degree turn
2. Greek’s 13th letter
3. e.g. Macadamia, pecan, or acorn
4. Large fish, usually found in small cans
5. Mum’s sisters
6. Remove (someone) from position of power
7. Crazy person – or a container for #3!
8. Creatures of Greek mythology: half man and half horse
9. More loyal and devoted
10. Most slovenly or grubby; most earthy or vulgar
 
EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
  
 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s