Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, July 2, 2014.    

STUFF 101….

Q: What does a nosy pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business! 

 

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta 

 

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator 

 

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine! 

 

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.” 

 

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” 

and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”! 

 

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. 

 

Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits! 

 

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel. 

 

Q: What did the pencil say to the other pencil? A: your looking sharp. 

 

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together! 

 

Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye? A: the pupil 

 

Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it! 

 

Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. 

 

Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks. 

 

Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station! 

 

Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.

 

Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?” A: “With a bee bee gun.” 

 

Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream. 

 

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light! 

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?”
–Steven Wright
“The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.”
–Alice Roosevelt Longworth
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
–Mark Twain
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 

Stuff My Doc Says………

 

Do you think you have a horrible doctor? Check out some of the worst advice, opinions, & diagnoses ever uttered by a medical professional. 

 

1. “Hey! I don’t go to your house and bleed all over your stuff! Clot, darnit!” 

 

2. “Well, at least you have your health… (looking at the patient’s chart) WHOOPS! I spoke too soon.” 

 

3. “How are stupid dogs and dumb doctors alike? Neither one can heel! Which reminds me, there’s nothing we can do for you.” 

 

4. “Miss, you’ll need to put this medicated cream on your chest. Here, I’ll give you a hand with that.” 

 

5. “I could give you something for that, but I’m not supposed to have sex with my patients.” 

 

6. “Hey, what’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. Okay, 

you can take that out of your mouth now.” 

 

7. “I am so tired of having to see that coroner guy.” 

 

8. “I know what will make us feel better… a sponge bath.” 

 

9. “Oh, that looks like a sprained ankle to me. I won’t know for sure until you get totally naked.” 

 

10. “Oh, you’re a woman!”  

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from??? ‘…how’s your wife and my kids?’
  
Answer: Major League! Talk about great one liners, this movie has them all! This quote is said by
a player to Jake Taylor as he comes up to hit.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Moondoggie!’
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Which phrase from group B belongs with the words in group A?
Group A
Lonely
Patent
Canines
Freighter
Artwork
Group B
Local Election
News Event
Tax Return
Brainy Teaser
Play Date
Answer: “News Event”: it also contains number:
lONEly
paTENt
caNINEs
frEIGHTer
arTWOrk
newSEVENt
 
… not to mention laSIX in the title 😎 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.
Example:
Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify
Answer:
E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E
1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines
2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow
3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted
4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
  

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