WELCOME to Wednesday, July 2, 2014.
Q: What does a nosy pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head”
and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
Q: What did the pencil say to the other pencil? A: your looking sharp.
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye? A: the pupil
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.
Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?” A: “With a bee bee gun.”
Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light!
Stuff My Doc Says………
Do you think you have a horrible doctor? Check out some of the worst advice, opinions, & diagnoses ever uttered by a medical professional.
1. “Hey! I don’t go to your house and bleed all over your stuff! Clot, darnit!”
2. “Well, at least you have your health… (looking at the patient’s chart) WHOOPS! I spoke too soon.”
3. “How are stupid dogs and dumb doctors alike? Neither one can heel! Which reminds me, there’s nothing we can do for you.”
4. “Miss, you’ll need to put this medicated cream on your chest. Here, I’ll give you a hand with that.”
5. “I could give you something for that, but I’m not supposed to have sex with my patients.”
6. “Hey, what’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. Okay,
you can take that out of your mouth now.”
7. “I am so tired of having to see that coroner guy.”
8. “I know what will make us feel better… a sponge bath.”
9. “Oh, that looks like a sprained ankle to me. I won’t know for sure until you get totally naked.”
10. “Oh, you’re a woman!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com.