Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, June 6, 2014.    

 
Stella Awards It’s time once again to review the winners of the Annual “Stella Awards.” 
 
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States. 
 
Here are this year’s winners: 7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son. 
 
6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps. 
 
5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000. 
 
4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun. 
 
3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. 
 
2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. 
 
1st Place: This year’s runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“We bring back a POW, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, from Afghanistan and to get him back we traded five Taliban thugs. And now everybody’s gone crazy. People say it’s the most controversial trade that has taken place since NBC traded me here to CBS.” –David Letterman
“These guys were down in Gitmo and now they get freed after 10 or 15 years. So now they’re released and they get to fly home. And I’m thinking, if you go to the airport and you’re stuck behind these guys in security, good luck.” –David Letterman
“When they sent the Taliban thugs back to Qatar, they got picked up in a stretch camel.” –David Letterman
“French President Francois Hollande will host two dinners tomorrow night, the first one for President Obama, followed by one for Vladimir Putin. Hollande was pretty worried about keeping them separate. Then his girlfriend and his mistress said, ‘You’ll figure it out.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“A Republican candidate for Congress in Arizona, who is white, recently changed his name to Cesar Chavez to appeal to Latino voters. It backfired when Arizona’s governor immediately deported him.” –Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board.
 
I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.
 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!” the customer complained.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Man who catch fly with chopsticks accomplish anything.’
  
Answer: The Karate Kid!
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘I wanted her to die. And maybe I even wanted Samuel to die.’ 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.
Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.
Last Names: Ball, King, Major, Mee, Soares, Turner
Professions: Paleontologist, Author, Musician, Plumber, Astrologer, Lawyer
The hint provides the first names.
Answer: Crystal Ball – Astrologer (crystal ball)
Dinah Soares – Paleontologist (dinosaurs)
Paige Turner – Author (page turner)
Dee Major – Musician (D Major)
Lee King – Plumber (leaking)
Sue Mee – Lawyer (sue me)
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser your job is to try and discover a shorter word within the given word that relates to the theme. The word must be an extension of the ‘theme’ word. The letters of the hidden word are NOT jumbled.
Example:
Theme: NIGHT______
Sneaky = SKY (NIGHT SKY)
Theme: DAY _______
1. Jacob = ? (DAY _______)
2. Clapboard = ? (DAY _______)
3. Champagne = ? (DAY _______)
4. Orange = ? (DAY _______)
 
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
 

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