Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-stupid-people

WELCOME to Friday May 30, 2014.    

 
SHORT SHORTS…. 
What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1.50, and Deer Nuts are under a Buck. 
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. 
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. 
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? “Dam!” 
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. 
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick. 
What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko. 
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. 
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. 
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. 
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. 
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. 
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers 
Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog. 
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. 
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag. 
Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. 
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! 
What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.  
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charlie Brown
“Here at First National, you’re not just a number – you’re two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.” –Unknown
“Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, “you’re making a scene.” –Homer Simpson, modern day prophet. 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.
 
The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled, clawed and tore at him, and got away.
 
With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.
 
Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: “Fine, be an Atheist.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Well, looks aren’t the most important thing.’ ‘That’s right, the important thing is he’s stupid,
he’s out of work, and he treats me bad.’   
  
Answer: A League of Their Own! Doris, regarding her boyfriend.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘First they tore my legs off and they threw them over there. Then they took my 
chest out and they threw it over there!’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 I am partially baked.
I am not completely lit.
I am a portion of the moon.
I am lesser than full wit.
I am a divider of the hour.
I am not a total lie.
I am a sibling through one parent.
Can you guess….what am I???
Answer: HALF, half baked, half lit, half moon, half wit, half past the hour, half truth, half brother/sister.   
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A farmer challenges an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to fence off the largest amount of area using the least amount of fence.
 
The engineer made his fence in a circle and said it was the most efficient.
 
The physicist made a long line and said that the length was infinite. Then he said that fencing half of the Earth was the best.
 
The mathematician laughed at the others and with his design, beat the others. What did he do?
 
 
  
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
 

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