Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Thursday May 22, 2014.     

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
As I’ve grown older (but refused to grow up) I’ve discovered:
ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT- Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…
TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause…kids.
TWELVE- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN- When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN- It’s not hard to meet expenses…  they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.  
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
Marilyn Monroe
Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
Wanda Sykes
All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: “What’s in the bags?” “Senior, It’s only sand.” replies Jose. “Sand??? Well, we’ll just see about that – get off the bike!” The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them…except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand. Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose’s shoulders, and he is let across the border. 
Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: “What you got there?” “Sand,” says Jose. A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border. For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn’t show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico. “Hey, Bud,” says the guard, “I know you’re smuggling something. For a year it’s driven me crazy. It’s all I can think about… I can’t get sleep, the kids are getting neglected…heck, even the dog senses I’m beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?” Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: “Bicycles…” 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘Yea, that’s even better than the leopard suit!’
Answer: Tin Cup! This quote is said when Tin Cup and Romeo go into the strip club to settle their debt. 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I can be quick and then I’m deadly,
I am a rock, shell and bone medley.
If I was made into a man, I’d make people dream,
I gather in my millions by ocean, sea and stream. 
Answer: Sand
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
1. picture, inner, top, test
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE. 
1. sky, point, hat, knee
2. street, fight, pedal, off
3. shoe, french, powder, rims
4. moulding, roast, triple, jewels

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at LINKS2 CHECK OUT:,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji    


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