Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

stupidity-stupidity-stupid-suicide-demotivational-posters-1358087102

WELCOME to Thursday May 8, 2014.  

 THURSDAY’S PUNDERING…….
 
1. “Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.”
2. I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu,
    we just give you what you deserve.
3. I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
4. Today I gave my dead batteries away….Free of charge.
5. Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
6. If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.
7. Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it’ll always get you the RIGHT ONES.
8. I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
9. I’m so bright my mother calls me son.
10. My eyelids are so sexy, I can’t keep my eyes off them.
11. he past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
12. What fits your schedule better……Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
13. Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver
14. I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
15. I have never seen a fruit PUNCH and a cereal BOX
16. If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
17. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
18. Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
19. If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
20. Did you hear about the farmer who fed his cows birdseed and started selling cheep milk
21. A butcher goes on a first date and says ‘It was nice meating you’
22. 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that’s Ludacris
23. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
24. I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
25. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!
26. Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
27. I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
28. Why does no one on icarly have a dad?
29. Man delivers load of bubblewrap. Where do you want this he asks. Just pop it in the corner was the reply.
30. I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
31. “When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot……that way people visit more often.”
32. What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
33. A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P. J. O’Rourke
I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. Lenny Bruce
If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself. Albert Einstein
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two fellers were in desperate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they break into the Amish market. The logic being that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot. However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them. Calmly, the Amishman said, Boys, I would never do thee any harm yet you are standing where I am about to shoot.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???    ‘Spandex…It’s a privilege not a right!’
  
Answer: Hackers! You just gotta love a movie where the character names are ones like: Zero Cool, Acid Burn, Crash Override, Cereal Killer, Phantom Freak, Lord Nikon, and The Plague. The quote was said at Burn’s party. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘What are you gonna do, bleed on me?’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Can you find the one word for each list that can be added to the end of each word in its list to create a new word, compound word, or phrase?
round
show
throw
grow
out
be
in
sub
put
shake
get
hoe
Answer:  up
 
side
 
down
 
upside-down!
  
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
One by one we fall from heaven,
Down into the depths of past
And our world is ever upturned
So that yet some time we’ll last.
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   
 

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