Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday May 7, 2014.  

  
Man’s Language……. 
 
1. “I’M GOING FISHING” Translation: I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and sit in a
boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
2. “IT’S A GUY THING” Translation: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and
you have no chance at all of making it logical.
3. “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Translation: Why isn’t it already on the table?
4. “UH HUH”, SURE”, or, “YES, DEAR” Translation: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
5. “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Translation: I have no idea how it works.
6. “I WAS LISTENING TO YOU, IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND” Translation: I was wondering
if that blonde over there has a boyfriend.
7. “TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD” Translation: I can’t hear the game
over the vacuum cleaner.
8. “THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR” Translation: Are you still talking?
9. “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS” Translation: I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
10. “I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES” Translation: The girl selling them was real cute.
11. “OH, DON’T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG  DEAL” Translation: I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.
12. “HEY. I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING” Translation: And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
13. “I CAN’T FIND IT” Translation: It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.
14. “WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Translation: What did you catch me at?
15. “I HEARD YOU” Translation: I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and I am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t have to spend the next three days yelling at me.
16. “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” Translation: I am used to the way you yell at me
and realize it could be much worse.
17. “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC” Translation: Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.
18. “I’M NOT LOST, I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE” Translation: No one will ever see us alive again. By albert W.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is apparently back smoking the crack. There is a picture of him smoking the crack and a videotape is out as well. Is there a videotape out there of him not smoking crack?” –David Letterman
“The crack dealer videotaped him smoking crack. It is a sad state of affairs, ladies and gentlemen, when you can’t trust your drug dealer.” –David Letterman
“After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he’s taking a leave of absence, and of course he’s earned it. The guy’s been up since 2004.” –Conan O’Brien
“Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s wife, Rochelle, is being accused of making racist remarks during an incident back in 2009. Sterling should break up with his girlfriend and go out with his wife. They’re perfect for each other.” –Jimmy Fallon
“This year the Colorado symphony will host a bring-your-own-marijuana concert series, called ‘Classically Cannabis.’ Or if you don’t like classical music, you can attend the bring-your-own-marijuana concert called ‘any other concert.'” –Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar called the Rammer Jammer in a small farmtown in Alabama. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off….it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left. Finally, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, ‘I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.’ ‘I seriously doubt it’, said the truly proud farmer. ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Let me give you a tip, I’m a sure thing.””
  
Answer:  Pretty Woman! Pretty Woman is a 1990 American romantic comedy film set in Los Angeles. Written by J. F. Lawton and directed by Garry Marshall, the film stars Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, and features Hector Elizondo, Ralph Bellamy (in his final performance), and Jason Alexander in supporting roles. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???    ‘Spandex…It’s a privelege not a right!’
 
TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD. SUPER SOLVING JOB KIM! Emoji
EmojiEmojiEmoji Emoji
Emoji
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
You have a piece of paper, 10cm by 10cm. Area = 100cm^2. For some reason, you need a square piece of paper with an area of 50cm^2. Using the paper you have, what’s an easy way of getting the new square?
 
Answer: Fold the four corners of the square into the centre. This doubles the thickness of the paper, and so halves the area.
  
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you find the one word for each list that can be added to the end of each word in its list to create a new word, compound word, or phrase?
round
show
throw
grow
out
be
in
sub
put
shake
get
hoe
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

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