Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday May 30, 2014.    

 
SHORT SHORTS…. 
What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1.50, and Deer Nuts are under a Buck. 
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. 
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. 
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? “Dam!” 
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. 
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick. 
What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko. 
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. 
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. 
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. 
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. 
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. 
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers 
Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog. 
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. 
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag. 
Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. 
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! 
What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet. 
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.  
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charlie Brown
“Here at First National, you’re not just a number – you’re two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.” –Unknown
“Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, “you’re making a scene.” –Homer Simpson, modern day prophet. 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.
 
The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled, clawed and tore at him, and got away.
 
With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.
 
Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: “Fine, be an Atheist.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Well, looks aren’t the most important thing.’ ‘That’s right, the important thing is he’s stupid,
he’s out of work, and he treats me bad.’   
  
Answer: A League of Their Own! Doris, regarding her boyfriend.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘First they tore my legs off and they threw them over there. Then they took my 
chest out and they threw it over there!’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 I am partially baked.
I am not completely lit.
I am a portion of the moon.
I am lesser than full wit.
I am a divider of the hour.
I am not a total lie.
I am a sibling through one parent.
Can you guess….what am I???
Answer: HALF, half baked, half lit, half moon, half wit, half past the hour, half truth, half brother/sister.   
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A farmer challenges an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to fence off the largest amount of area using the least amount of fence.
 
The engineer made his fence in a circle and said it was the most efficient.
 
The physicist made a long line and said that the length was infinite. Then he said that fencing half of the Earth was the best.
 
The mathematician laughed at the others and with his design, beat the others. What did he do?
 
 
  
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday May 29, 2014.      

 
Words To Ponder…
 
Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it. 
 
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 
 
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 
 
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 
 
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 
 
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 
 
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 
 
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 
 
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 
 
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 
 
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully. 
 
Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat. 
 
My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance. 
 
Discover Wildlife! Have Kids! 
 
“Genuine Antique Person,” Been there, done that, can’t remember! 
 
Our policy is to always blame the computer. 
 
Take my advice, I’m not using it! 
 
I love to give homemade gifts… umm, which one of the kids would you like? 
 
By the time you find greener pastures, you can’t climb the fence! 
 
I quit jogging for health reasons. My thighs rubbed together so much
it caught my underwear on fire!
 
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. 
 
There is always one more idiot than you counted on. 
 
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 
 
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 
 
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 
 
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 
 
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 
 
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 
 
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom. 
 
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “President Obama made an unscheduled stop at a Little League game while he was on his way to a fundraiser. Yeah, because there’s nothing parents love more than their kid’s Little League game getting even longer.” –Jimmy Fallon
 
“A high school girl has invited Joe Biden to be her prom date. Isn’t that nice? However, her father is refusing to let her go with a guy who can’t really describe what he does for a living.” –Conan O’Brien
 
“It’s springtime and earlier today Chris Christie closed the George Washington Bridge for a pollen study.” –David Letterman
 
“The U.S. is accusing Chinese military officials of spying. When asked why they did it, the Chinese officials said it’s payback for all the times your students cheated off the Asian kid.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and five children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. “Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if …” The wife gently interrupts him. “Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother’s grave that you are his father.” The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other four.” 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘That’s something we shall have to remedy, isn’t it?’
  
Answer: Braveheart!
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? ‘Well, looks aren’t the most important thing.’ ‘That’s right, the important thing is he’s stupid,
he’s out of work, and he treats me bad.’  
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, your job is form eight (8) complete words from list A, B, & C. In each list, there are parts of words. Choose one word part from each list (A, B, C) to form the new word.
Example:
CORN + ERST + ONE = CORNERSTONE
List A:
FOR
ANT
EM
BOO
PER
IN
MAT
NO
List B:
CUB
IS
ME
ON
IT
EN
AD
PA
List C:
COPE
THY
DAY
SIC
ATE
RUST
RANG
OR
  
Answer:  1. FORENSIC  2. ANTITRUST  3. EMPATHY  4. BOOMERANG  5. PERISCOPE  6. INCUBATE  7. MATADOR  8. NOONDAY 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
I am partially baked.
I am not completely lit.
I am a portion of the moon.
I am lesser than full wit.
I am a divider of the hour.
I am not a total lie.
I am a sibling through one parent.
Can you guess….what am I???
TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WONDERFUL SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday May 28, 2014.     

 
New Words for the Next Century…… 
 
ASSMOSIS – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss 
rather than working hard. 
 
FLIGHT RISK – Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. 
 
GOOD JOB – A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. 
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE -The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. 
 
UNINSTALLED – Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.” *(Syn: decruitment.) 
 
VULCAN NERVE PINCH -The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm re-boot for Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On Key. 
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS – The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, “We each owe $8, but all anybody’s got are yuppie food stamps.” 
 
SALMON DAY -The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. 
 
CLM (Career Limiting Move) – Used among microserfs to describe ill- advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious 
 
CLM. ADMINISPHERE -The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 
 
MOUSE POTATO – The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato. 
 
PRAIRIE DOGGING – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. 
 
SITCOMs – (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. 
 
STARTER MARRIAGE – A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets. 
 
STRESS PUPPY – A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 
 
SWIPED OUT – An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. 
 
ALPHA GEEK – The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. 
 
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 
 
BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. 
 
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
 
EGO SURFING: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one’s own name. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can’t help himself.”
–Henry Morgan
“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.”
–Mark Twain
“To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.”
–George Orwell  
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A Marine Captain stationed in Okinawa, Japan, Breaking silence I was accompanying the assistant commandant on his inspection of the troops. To break the silence, the general would ask some of the Marines standing at attention which outfit they were serving with. Ramrod straight, each would respond, “Marine Air Group 36, sir,” or “Second Marine Division, General.” But near the end of the inspection, when the general asked a young private, “Which outfit are you in?” 
 
The Marine replied, “Dress blues with medals, sir!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘… I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.’ 
  
Answer: Face Off! This quote is said by Caster Troy (being Archer) to his wife Eve. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   ‘That’s something we shall have to remedy, isn’t it?’
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 What are these?
“Cherries, come here!”
“Raspberries, come here!”
“Apples, come here!”
“Pineapples, come here!”
Answer:  Forbidden Fruits  or  Four Bidden Fruits
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, your job is form eight (8) complete words from list A, B, & C. In each list, there are parts of words. Choose one word part from each list (A, B, C) to form the new word.
Example:
CORN + ERST + ONE = CORNERSTONE
List A:
FOR
ANT
EM
BOO
PER
IN
MAT
NO
List B:
CUB
IS
ME
ON
IT
EN
AD
PA
List C:
COPE
THY
DAY
SIC
ATE
RUST
RANG
OR

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji
 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday May 27, 2014.     

 
LITTLE AXIOMS OF LIFE………. 
 
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don’t have film. 
 
He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 
 
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.  
 
On the other hand, you have different fingers. 
 
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 
 
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 
 
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. 
 
She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. 
 
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Scientists in London say they have invented a process that can actually turn light into matter, but warned people that their results won’t be visible to the human eye. Well, in that case, I invented it too.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A group of scientists have started attaching sensors to sharks to help predict hurricane intensity. They’re hoping the information they gather will save enough lives to offset the number of lives lost attaching sensors to sharks.” -Seth Meyers
“A Japanese company unveiled a robot that can tell jokes and then detect if the joke was well received. In a related story, I start my shift at Quiznos tomorrow.” -Conan O’Brien 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”
 
However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.
 
If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.   
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘This is the nineties. You don’t just go around punching people. 
You have to say something cool first.’
  
Answer: The Last Boy Scout! At the end of the movie this quote is said by Joe to Jimmy.  
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘… I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Down below the shining moon
Around the trees, a sacred gloom
Running with the midnight sky
Knowing the thing that makes you cry
Night is full with my essence
Eternal light betrays my presence
Soaring through my endless task
Shadows are my faithful mask 
Answer: Darkness (the first letter of every sentence spells out “DARKNESS”)  
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What are these?
“Cherries, come here!”
“Raspberries, come here!”
“Apples, come here!”
“Pineapples, come here!”
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  Emoji

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday May 23, 2014.    

Expressions For High Stress Days…. 
 
1.    Well, aren’t we just a ray of freaking sunshine. 
2.    Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen. 
3.    Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now? 
4.    Huh? I’m sorry, I was ignoring you. 
5.    Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after. 
6.    I like cats, too! Let’s exchange recipes. 
7.    I’m trying to imagine you with a personality. 
8.    How many times do I have to flush you before you go away? 
9.    I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 
10.    You say I’m a witch like it’s a bad thing. 
11.    Just smile and say “Yes Mistress,” 
12.    Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a neurotic witch just like you. 
13.    A woman’s favorite position is CEO. 
14.    And which dwarf are you? 
15.    Hello, Tech Support? How do I set a laser printer to stun? 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial weekend people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The new ‘Godzilla’ opens today. There have been 28 Godzilla movies. They include ‘Son of Godzilla,’ ‘Godzilla vs. Mothra,’ ‘2 God 2 Zilla,’ and ‘Godzilla vs. Tyler Perry.'” -Craig Ferguson
“This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik’s Cube. If you kids don’t know what a Rubik’s Cube is, it’s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.” -Conan O’Brien
“Target and Doritos have paired up to market the Walking Taco, which is where you pour ground beef and cheese into a bag of crushed Doritos before eating it out of the bag. The Walking Taco was created when a man was taking out the garbage and thought, ‘Hey, I could eat this.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler, but not being sure of the hotel rules I stopped at the door and asked the maid, “Can we drink beer on the beach?”
 
“Sure,” the maid replied, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team,
this is a last resort.’
  
Answer:  Bring It On! A excellent movie about cheerleading…though it hasn’t made me change my mind about them. I still think they ruin the sports that they cheer for. This quote is said when Missy is having her tryout.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? ‘This is the nineties. You don’t just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first.’ 
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
Example:
 
1. picture, inner, top, test
 
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE. 
 
1. sky, point, hat, knee
 
2. street, fight, pedal, off
 
3. shoe, french, powder, rims
 
4. moulding, roast, triple, jewels
Answer:  1. sky HIGH, HIGH point, HIGH hat, knee HIGH
 
2. BACK street, fight BACK, BACK pedal, BACK off
 
3. shoe HORN, french HORN, powder HORN, HORN rims
 
4. CROWN moulding, CROWN roast, triple CROWN, CROWN jewels
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Down below the shining moon
Around the trees, a sacred gloom
Running with the midnight sky
Knowing the thing that makes you cry
Night is full with my essence
Eternal light betrays my presence
Soaring through my endless task
Shadows are my faithful mask
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS OF THE DAY AWARDS GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS. 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  Emoji
 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday May 22, 2014.     

 
SENILITY PRAYER………
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
As I’ve grown older (but refused to grow up) I’ve discovered:
ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT- Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…
TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause…kids.
TWELVE- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN- When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN- It’s not hard to meet expenses…  they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.  
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
Marilyn Monroe
Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
Wanda Sykes
All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: “What’s in the bags?” “Senior, It’s only sand.” replies Jose. “Sand??? Well, we’ll just see about that – get off the bike!” The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them…except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand. Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose’s shoulders, and he is let across the border. 
 
Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: “What you got there?” “Sand,” says Jose. A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border. For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn’t show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico. “Hey, Bud,” says the guard, “I know you’re smuggling something. For a year it’s driven me crazy. It’s all I can think about… I can’t get sleep, the kids are getting neglected…heck, even the dog senses I’m beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?” Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: “Bicycles…” 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘Yea, that’s even better than the leopard suit!’
  
Answer: Tin Cup! This quote is said when Tin Cup and Romeo go into the strip club to settle their debt. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort.’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I can be quick and then I’m deadly,
I am a rock, shell and bone medley.
If I was made into a man, I’d make people dream,
I gather in my millions by ocean, sea and stream. 
Answer: Sand
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
 
Example:
 
1. picture, inner, top, test
 
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE. 
 
1. sky, point, hat, knee
 
2. street, fight, pedal, off
 
3. shoe, french, powder, rims
 
4. moulding, roast, triple, jewels
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS OF THE DAY AWARDS GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS. 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji    
 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday May 21, 2014.    

  
HUSBAND’S PERSPECTIVE…. 
 
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked: “What’s on the TV?” I said: “Dust!” 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. 
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Why do men die before their wives? They want to. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said: 
“I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and said: 
“God, I wish I had your will power.” 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?: 
Two mothers-in-law. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of 
Africa a man doesn’t know his wife 
until he marries her? Dad: 
That happens in every country, son. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife Wanted”. 
Next day he received a hundred letters. 
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
First guy: “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine is still alive.” 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
How do men define marriage?: An expensive way 
to get laundry done for free. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go 
through life thinking they had no faults at all. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided 
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. 
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””” 
Then there was a man who said: “I never knew what real happiness was until 
I got married; and then it was too late.” 
“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
A little boy asked his father: “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” 
And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.” 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Independent film director Lars von Trier is writing a horror movie set in Detroit.
But then again, so is history.” -Seth Meyers
“A thief broke into a house in Alaska and found $100,000 but only took $20,000. 
Police are searching for a man with simple dreams.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new report found that the average life expectancy for women in the U.S. is 81, 
while the average life expectancy for men is 76. Or as both husbands and 
wives put it, ‘Good.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite “adult” restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old’s antics and pounded the table.  Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, “If you don’t start behaving, you’ll never eat out with us again!”  The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. “Look dear,” he said. “Quality time!”  
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’m gonna…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…Go!’
  
Answer: The Whole Nine Yards! This quote is said by Oz as he is leaving Jimmy’s house.  
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? ‘Yea, that’s even better than the leopard suit!’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
Example:
1. picture, inner, top, test
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE.
1. ankle, puppet, wind, away
2. draft, hall, belly, root
3. alphabet, bowl, spoon, kitchen
4. upright, wire, grand, tuner 
 
 
Answer:  1. ankle SOCK, SOCK puppet, wind SOCK, SOCK away
 
2. draft BEER, BEER hall, BEER belly, root BEER
 
3. alphabet SOUP, SOUP bowl, SOUP spoon, SOUP kitchen
 
4. upright PIANO, PIANO wire, grand PIANO, PIANO tuner
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I can be quick and then I’m deadly,
I am a rock, shell and bone medley.
If I was made into a man, I’d make people dream,
I gather in my millions by ocean, sea and stream.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS OF THE DAY AWARDS GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB LADIES. 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji