Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday April 30, 2014.  

  
 Ten Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House:
 
1. If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
 
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
 
3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
 
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
 
5. If it’s electronic, get a new one.
 
6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
 
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
 
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
 
9. If something looks level, it is level.
 
10. Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Today the Pentagon announced they are going to spend millions shooting clouds with super-lasers to create more precipitation. Lasers that control the weather are hard to explain. Basically they hit the cloud and create nitric acid particles that bind water molecules to create condensation nuclei. I hope that clears it up for you.” -Craig Ferguson
“Today is Earth Day. At least according to the guy who saw me throw a banana peel in the blue trash can.” -Seth Meyers
“They’re auctioning off stuff from the Titanic. There’s a menu of what was being served in the dining room the night the ‘Titanic’ sank. And listen to this, the salad they were featuring: iceberg lettuce. True story.” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were going to get married.
“Whatsa dis?” screamed Mother. “Who’s a-gonna love you like a Momma? Who’s a gonna starch-a you socks?
Who’s a gonna make-a you lasagna?”
“Please, Mom, calm down,” pleaded the son. “Why are you talking like that? We aren’t even Italian!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”
  
Answer: Bachelor Party! One of the best lines of the movie!
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???    “Yeah, and baby fish-mouth is sweeping the nation!”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.
 
1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).
 
2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).
 
3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).  
 
Answer: 1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Better late than never.
3. Great minds think alike. 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I am a protector. 
I sit on a bridge. 
One person can see right through me, while others wonder what I hide. 
 
What am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

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