Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Monday April 28, 2014.  

1- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
2- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy .
3- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
4- I intend to live forever; so far, so good
5- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
6- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
7- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
8- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
9- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
10- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
11- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
12- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
13- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
14- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
15- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
16- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
17- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
18- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
19 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“Evil Vladimir Putin said this about President Obama. He said, ‘If I were drowning, I think President Obama would rescue me.’ And I thought: Well, give that a try.” –David Letterman
“Yesterday was Earth Day. And today we went right back to throwing Jamba Juice cups in the rainforest.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“I never know what to get the Earth for Earth Day. So I just bought it an iTunes gift card and buried it.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“China’s state media has announced that its ‘Cleaning the Web’ Campaign has successfully shut down 110 porn websites. That’s like New York City announcing that their ‘Cleaning the Subway’ campaign has successfully exterminated one rat.” –Seth Meyers
“It’s become clear to me that I’ve won television. You see, Jon, almost nine years ago I promised to change the world and together, I did it.” –Stephen Colbert, stopping by The Daily Show to announce, in character, the real reason that he is ending his show
“Maybe ride the rails, live boxcar to boxcar, learn how to whip up a hearty stew from peanut shells and a stolen chicken.” –Stephen Colbert on his plans after leaving television
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two Guys Are Hunting In The Woods One of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep.
He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom.
“Try something heavier”, the other man suggests. They find a rusty old anvil nearby, pick it up and
throw it down the hole. Five seconds later a goat comes speeding toward the hole and falls in.
“What the heck was that?”, one of the men say.
Just then another man runs up and says, “Please, have you seen my goat anywhere?!”
“Yes”, they reply. “We just saw him run this way and jump into this hole!”
The man says, “That’s impossible. I had him tied to an anvil.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
Answer: Animal House! Bluto after the Delts are expelled.  
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???    “Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one word long. The second and third are two words long.)
1. (Right of north ) (she) 
2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)
3. (Work) (24 hours)
Answer:  1. Easter (east + her)
2. Independence Day (inn + d + pen + dance + day)
3. Labor Day
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
One you will find in a state that borders Ohio, 
Another you will find in a state next to Georgia, 
A third can be found in a state that touches Canada, 
The last cannot be found in any state at all.
What are these things?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at LINKS2 CHECK OUT:,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   


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