Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Monday April 21, 2014.  

1. The average cost of rehabilitating one seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild, amid cheers and applause from onlookers. One minute later, in full view of everyone, a killer whale ate them both.
2. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist  towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
3. Two animal right protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs – all 2,000 of them – escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And finally…
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Now, YOUR day’s not so bad, is it???  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“Some scientists now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife. They also believe that Jesus’ nephew called Jesus’ wife the “Auntie Christ.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers
“The world’s oldest living person, aged 114, passed away. The cause of death – you guessed it – a knife fight.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 “Yo, Mrs. Miller,” said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. “I’m sorry, do we know each other?” I asked.
“Yeah, you was my English teacher.”
Leaning over, my husband whispered, “Good job, Honey, good job.” 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???   “The vessel with the pestle, has the potion with the lotion.”
Answer: Court Jester! Danny Kaye as Hawkins. I’ve only seen this movie once, but I love this routine. 
The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.  
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  “No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
 In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters does not change.
Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify
E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E
1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship
2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence
3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration
4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous 
ANSWER:  1. expert / export  2. bilge / binge   3. singe / tinge  4. butter / bitter 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Where should you go to find the meaning of life?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at LINKS2 CHECK OUT:,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji


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