Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-stupid-people

WELCOME to Monday April 7, 2014.  

  
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do YOUR Laundry
 
You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently. 
 
You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you. 
 
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk. 
 
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie “Outbreak” to avoid catching the Ebola virus. 
 
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week. 
 
The DEA’s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet. 
 
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek. 
 
The phrase “Wash Me” is visibly written in your jeans. 
 
Your red T-shirt is now green. 
 
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company’s casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The White House finally met their enrollment goal for Obamacare. President Obama held a press conference and said this means that Obamacare is ‘here to stay.’ He added, ‘because if you think getting INTO the program was hard, just trygetting OUT.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The Kremlin announced today that Vladimir Putin and his wife have officially divorced. She’ll get the house and the car and he’ll get Crimea, Ukraine, Belarus…” –Seth Meyers
“Vladimir Putin’s divorce became final today. So ladies, he’s officially single. Run!” –Seth Meyers
“A new poll has found that 75 percent of Americans believe marijuana legalization is inevitable. The same 75 percent also said inevitable is a funny word because you never hear ‘evitable.’ What does evitable mean?” –Seth Meyers
“That’s right, 75 percent of Americans think marijuana eventually will be legal, while the other 25 percent said, ‘What, it’s illegal?'” –Seth Meyers
“In mere minutes, President Clinton will be sitting in the same spot once occupied by both Honey Boo Boo and Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. That chair is going to be so confused.” –Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Some people ask the secret of Anthony’s long marriage.
They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.
The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  ‘My father was an evil abusive man…he killed my mother. She was sleeping, and then he slit his wrists. I was thirteen. I don’t talk about that much.’
  
Answer: ‘Zero Effect’! Bill Pullman is great as Darryl Zero, a reclusive, pill popping private dick, who seems to be only functional as the best and most unseen detective. Ben Stiller is good as his overprotective assistant.  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   ‘And how does our fable end? The centerfold…was she waiting on the beach for all eternity for him to return? Why not?’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
 
1. A pig farmer’s job could be called p___ w___.
2. A dog injury could be called a ho___ wo___.
3. For racing, a mixed ho___ is wo___ than a thoroughbred.
4. I he___ your be___ has been shaved into a goatee.
 
ANSWER:  1. pork work
2. hound wound
3. horse worse
4. heard beard
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A cracker company was very mad when they heard the results from their cracker survey. The result said that the customers would prefer crackers to nothing at all. The same customers think that donuts are better than everything else.
 
A new employee at the company had to tell their boss the bad news, but he saw a window of opportunity to get a promotion. When he got to his boss, he told him that the customers really preferred crackers to donuts.
 
How did he come up with that?
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR A SUPER SOLVING JOB ON FRIDAY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji  
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

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