Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday April 30, 2014.  

  
 Ten Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House:
 
1. If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
 
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
 
3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
 
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
 
5. If it’s electronic, get a new one.
 
6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
 
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
 
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
 
9. If something looks level, it is level.
 
10. Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Today the Pentagon announced they are going to spend millions shooting clouds with super-lasers to create more precipitation. Lasers that control the weather are hard to explain. Basically they hit the cloud and create nitric acid particles that bind water molecules to create condensation nuclei. I hope that clears it up for you.” -Craig Ferguson
“Today is Earth Day. At least according to the guy who saw me throw a banana peel in the blue trash can.” -Seth Meyers
“They’re auctioning off stuff from the Titanic. There’s a menu of what was being served in the dining room the night the ‘Titanic’ sank. And listen to this, the salad they were featuring: iceberg lettuce. True story.” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were going to get married.
“Whatsa dis?” screamed Mother. “Who’s a-gonna love you like a Momma? Who’s a gonna starch-a you socks?
Who’s a gonna make-a you lasagna?”
“Please, Mom, calm down,” pleaded the son. “Why are you talking like that? We aren’t even Italian!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”
  
Answer: Bachelor Party! One of the best lines of the movie!
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???    “Yeah, and baby fish-mouth is sweeping the nation!”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.
 
1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).
 
2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).
 
3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).  
 
Answer: 1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Better late than never.
3. Great minds think alike. 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I am a protector. 
I sit on a bridge. 
One person can see right through me, while others wonder what I hide. 
 
What am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday April 29, 2014.  

10 DISTURBING FACTS….
1. During WWII an American plane crashed on a Japanese island (Chi Chi Jima). There were 9 men on board. Eight of them were captured and eaten, The one who was rescued was George H W Bush.
2. The Romans used crushed mouse brains as toothpaste.
3. Many babies in orphanages in the 1950’s didn’t cry very often because they knew their cries wouldn’t be answered and many developed depression.
4. Koala bears actually eat their mom’s poop.
5. False teeth are often minutely radioactive.
6. The U.S. military’s dried food rations can be re-hydrated with urine!
7. People who ride on rollers coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
8. Male Honey bees mate once, then their genitals explodes and they die.
9. FDA regulations allow 10 insects and 35 fruit fly eggs per 8 oz. of raisins.
10. Until 1977, the nuclear launch code was simply “0000”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Today is Earth Day. It’s the day we celebrate the ‘three Rs:’ Reduce, reuse, and, uh, Retweet? I don’t know.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Today is John Muir Day. He is the father of our national parks, the most famous naturalist of all time. Do not confuse a “Naturalist” with a “Naturist.” A naturalist is an expert on nature. A naturist is an expert on walking around outside naked.” -Craig Ferguson
“This weekend over 37,000 people went to Denver to participate in the 4th annual Cannabis Cup. And they all made memories that would last a few minutes.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”
So he does and speaks to the foreman.
“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.
“No.”
“Can you plaster?”
“No.”
“Have you ever done any carpentry?”
“No.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”
“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”  
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???   “Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?”
  
Answer: The Breakfast Club! John Bender asks Brian this while eating lunch.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   “Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
 One you will find in a state that borders Ohio,
Another you will find in a state next to Georgia, 
A third can be found in a state that touches Canada, 
The last cannot be found in any state at all.
 
What are these things?
 
Answer: The four major compass directions. WEST Virginia borders Ohio, SOUTH Carolina is next to Georgia, NORTH Dakota touches Canada, and EAST is not in any state’s name.  
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.
 
1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).
 
2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).
 
3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday April 28, 2014.  

  
MORE PROFOUND THOUGHTS…………
  
1- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
2- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy .
3- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
4- I intend to live forever; so far, so good
5- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
6- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
7- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
8- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
9- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
10- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
11- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
12- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
13- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
14- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
15- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
16- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
17- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
18- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
19 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Evil Vladimir Putin said this about President Obama. He said, ‘If I were drowning, I think President Obama would rescue me.’ And I thought: Well, give that a try.” –David Letterman
“Yesterday was Earth Day. And today we went right back to throwing Jamba Juice cups in the rainforest.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“I never know what to get the Earth for Earth Day. So I just bought it an iTunes gift card and buried it.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“China’s state media has announced that its ‘Cleaning the Web’ Campaign has successfully shut down 110 porn websites. That’s like New York City announcing that their ‘Cleaning the Subway’ campaign has successfully exterminated one rat.” –Seth Meyers
“It’s become clear to me that I’ve won television. You see, Jon, almost nine years ago I promised to change the world and together, I did it.” –Stephen Colbert, stopping by The Daily Show to announce, in character, the real reason that he is ending his show
“Maybe ride the rails, live boxcar to boxcar, learn how to whip up a hearty stew from peanut shells and a stolen chicken.” –Stephen Colbert on his plans after leaving television
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two Guys Are Hunting In The Woods One of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep.
He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom.
“Try something heavier”, the other man suggests. They find a rusty old anvil nearby, pick it up and
throw it down the hole. Five seconds later a goat comes speeding toward the hole and falls in.
“What the heck was that?”, one of the men say.
Just then another man runs up and says, “Please, have you seen my goat anywhere?!”
“Yes”, they reply. “We just saw him run this way and jump into this hole!”
The man says, “That’s impossible. I had him tied to an anvil.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
  
Answer: Animal House! Bluto after the Delts are expelled.  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???    “Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one word long. The second and third are two words long.)
 
1. (Right of north ) (she) 
 
2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)
 
3. (Work) (24 hours)
 
Answer:  1. Easter (east + her)
2. Independence Day (inn + d + pen + dance + day)
3. Labor Day
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
One you will find in a state that borders Ohio, 
Another you will find in a state next to Georgia, 
A third can be found in a state that touches Canada, 
The last cannot be found in any state at all.
 
What are these things?
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday April 25, 2014.  

Physics 101
 
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
 
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
 
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
 
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
 
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year
 
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
 
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
 
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
 
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
 
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 
 
10 cards: 1 decacards
 
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
 
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
 
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
 
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
 
10 rations: 1 decoration
 
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
 
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A new report claims that posing with a dog in your online dating profile makes you more desirable – and posing with a cat means you’re going to die alone.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new survey, being a mathematician is the best job in America. So congratulations, nerds.” -Craig Ferguson
“A new survey found that 81 percent of parents admit to stealing Easter candy from their children. While the other 19 percent of parents don’t think it counts as stealing if you bought the candy in the first place.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Realizing that I’d put on a pound or two, I lamented to my husband, “I’m fat.”
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: “No you’re not!” To support his position, he added, “Just take a look at some of the other women we know, and you’ll see that you are not fat.”
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it: “Mom, he’s grading you on the curve!” 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from??? “Nervous?”  “Yes.”  “First time?”  “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”  
  
Answer:  Airplane!  Striker to the old lady on the plane. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is also alive. The cycle repeats. If you are Mr. Black, where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival? 
 
Answer: He should shoot at the ground.
 
If Mr. Black shoots the ground, it is Mr. Gray’s turn. Mr. Gray would rather shoot at Mr. White than Mr. Black, because he is better. If Mr. Gray kills Mr. White, it is just Mr. Black and Mr. Gray left, giving Mr. Black a fair chance of winning. If Mr. Gray does not kill Mr. White, it is Mr. White’s turn. He would rather shoot at Mr. Gray and will definitely kill him. Even though it is now Mr. Black against Mr. White, Mr. Black has a better chance of winning than before. 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one word long. The second and third are two words long.)
 
1. (Right of north ) (she) 
 
2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)
 
3. (Work) (24 hours)
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday April 24, 2014.  

 
Thursday’s Deep Thoughts…………..
Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it’s two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up.
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did all the other cues came crashing to the floor. “Sorry,” he said with a smile.
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
If you’re a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, “Boy, these are good cigars!”
Most people don’t realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a dear.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a very beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. “That was fun,” I said. “You bet it was,” said Nick. “Let’s climb higher.” “No,” I said. “I think we should be heading back now.” “We have time,” Nick insisted. I said we didn’t, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn’t say it was an interesting story.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” –Darrin Weinberg
“Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been passionate, rebellious, and immature.” –Tom Robbins
“I’ll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.” – Montgomery Burns, THE SIMPSONS
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, “There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half…”
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”
The boy replied, “Canada, Sir.”
“Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager.
The boy replied, “They’re all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there.”
“Really,” replied the manager, “My wife is from Canada!”
The boy replied, “No kidding! What team did she play for?”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???    “I’m not a Roman … I’m a Red Sea pedestrian.”
  
Answer:  The Life of Brian! Denying his Roman ancestry.  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  “Nervous?”  “Yes.”  “First time?”  “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.
1. Eat – Fact
2. Fist – Spam
3. Ham – Smock
4. Tilde – Food
5. Sale – Cranking
 
 
Answer:  1. Feat – Act  2. Fit – Spasm  3. Sham – Mock  4. Tide – Flood  5. Scale – Ranking
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is also alive. The cycle repeats. If you are Mr. Black, where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival?
 
HATS OFF TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING WEDNESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji   

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday April 23, 2014.  

Profound Thoughts………

 
1) Before criticizing people, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.
 
2) If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let’em go, because, man, they’re gone.
 
3) If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
 
4) To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of
something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
 
5) The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
 
6) If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I’d glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. “Wait a minute! I thought we won!”
 
7) If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.
 
8) Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
 
9) To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
 
10) I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
 
11) Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and so is mankind.
 
12) If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact.
 
13) It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there rocking back and forth wanting that money.
 
14) I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that’s a documentary.
 
15) As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn’t want to put down marriage as a whole – which it is.” –Kevin Hench
“People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn’t look any better.” –Margot Black
“Your hair may be brushed, but your mind’s untidy. You’ve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You’re sunk from a riot of relaxation.” –Ogden Nash 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. “Wow, look at that!” he said. “It’s my old Plymouth!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???   “No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die.”
  
Answer:  Goldfinger! Auric Goldfinger, as James is threatened by the laser.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? “I’m not a Roman … I’m a Red Sea pedestrian.”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Where should you go to find the meaning of life?  
 
Answer: You should go to a dictionary! The meaning of “life” can be found in a dictionary.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.
1. Eat – Fact
2. Fist – Spam
3. Ham – Smock
4. Tilde – Food
5. Sale – Cranking
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday April 21, 2014.  

 
THINK YOUR HAVING A BAD DAY???
1. The average cost of rehabilitating one seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild, amid cheers and applause from onlookers. One minute later, in full view of everyone, a killer whale ate them both.
2. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist  towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
3. Two animal right protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs – all 2,000 of them – escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
And finally…
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Now, YOUR day’s not so bad, is it???  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Some scientists now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife. They also believe that Jesus’ nephew called Jesus’ wife the “Auntie Christ.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers
“The world’s oldest living person, aged 114, passed away. The cause of death – you guessed it – a knife fight.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 “Yo, Mrs. Miller,” said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. “I’m sorry, do we know each other?” I asked.
“Yeah, you was my English teacher.”
Leaning over, my husband whispered, “Good job, Honey, good job.” 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???   “The vessel with the pestle, has the potion with the lotion.”
  
Answer: Court Jester! Danny Kaye as Hawkins. I’ve only seen this movie once, but I love this routine. 
The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  “No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
 In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters does not change.
Example:
Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify
Answer:
E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E
1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship
2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence
3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration
4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous 
 
ANSWER:  1. expert / export  2. bilge / binge   3. singe / tinge  4. butter / bitter 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
 
Where should you go to find the meaning of life?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji