1) Before criticizing people, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.
2) If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let’em go, because, man, they’re gone.
3) If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
4) To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of
something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
5) The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
6) If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I’d glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. “Wait a minute! I thought we won!”
7) If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.
8) Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
9) To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
10) I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
11) Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and so is mankind.
12) If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact.
13) It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there rocking back and forth wanting that money.
14) I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that’s a documentary.
15) As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!