Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday March 31, 2014.  

  
Doesn’t It Annoy You When… 
…there’s a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
…you buy an answering machine so you won’t miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
…there’s a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
…you’re reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
…you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it’ll magically open for them and not you.
…someone says, “well, to make a long story short” and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
…a friend or family member says “Yuck! This is awful!!” and then tells you to try some.
…you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just looking around.
…you rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
…a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
…your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
…there’s a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
…the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
…someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
…the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
…you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don’t, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Intelligence officials say they had a hard time predicting Russia’s invasion because Vladimir Putin doesn’t own a cellphone or use the Internet due to fear of being tracked. You can tell Putin doesn’t spend much time online. When he says ‘LOL,’ he means ‘Look out, Latvia.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Ukraine said it has finished withdrawing the last of its troops from Crimea, so the split is now final. Well, they’re not calling it a split. They’re calling it a ‘conscious uncoupling.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Today Pope Francis had to fire a German bishop known as the ‘Bling Bishop’ after he spent over $43 million to renovate his house. Pope Francis was nice enough to describe it as a ‘conscious unbishopping.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The first lady is in China. During her trip, Michelle Obama fed panda bears. Like most people the first lady feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”  With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  ‘I like you Clarence. Always have, always will.’
 
Answer: True Romance! Val Kilmer’s never seen Elvis speaking to Christian Slater during the drug deal scene.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘All I gotta do now is find a one legged nun walkin’ a goat, and I win!’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Mr. Jones filed a lawsuit against the company he worked for. He claimed that the company he worked for was drugging him to make him a better worker. He claimed that the coffee the company provided contained a drug called Trimethylxanthine. Trimethylxanthine is an addictive drug that increases alertness, improves concentration, and gives you a euphoric feeling. It operates using the same mechanisms that amphetamines, cocaine, and heroin use to stimulate the brain only to a lesser degree. When the coffee was tested it was found that it did contain large amounts of Trimethylxanthine. But, Mr. Jones did not win his lawsuit. Why? 
 
ANSWER: Trimethylxanthine is also known as caffeine.
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words. Only names are capitalized to start with. 
 
DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL, 
 
What are the sentences and what do they have in common?
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

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