Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday March 28, 2014.  

 
REALLY?
  
Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
 
How can there be self-help “groups”?
 
Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
 
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
 
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
 
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
 
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?
 
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
 
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
 
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
 
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 
Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
 
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
 
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
 
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
 
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
 
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
 
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
 
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 
How did a fool and his money get together?
 
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 
Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetner?
 
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
 
Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your rear end?
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Ukraine said it plans to take Russia to court to try to get Crimea back. So get ready next week
for a very special Judge Judy.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Tomorrow morning, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station.
And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward.” -Seth Meyers
“It’s a great day if you love magic and illusion because it’s Harry Houdini’s birthday. There’s a difference between an illusionist and a magician. Harry Houdini was an illusionist, but he was also the president of the Society of American Magicians. He was a popular president. For a while, anyway, until he passed HoudiniCare.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, “I apologize for crying so much. I’m usually not such a big boob.”
The bishop rose to close the session and remarked sympathetically, “That’s okay. We like big boobs.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  ‘You know what everybody says about me? I suck!’
 
Answer: From Dusk Till Dawn! Said by Cheech Marin upon turning into a vampire. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???   ‘I like you Clarence. Always have, always will.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A wheel with ten holes,
No lugs to see;
Numbers with letters,
Mostly with three.
 
Spin me, spin me,
Again and again;
Though I always return,
You can still reach a friend.
 
What is being described?
 
ANSWER:  A rotary telephone.
 
The dial on a rotary telephone has 10 holes. If this were a wheel on a car, you would fit the holes over the lugs on the hub. Each hole is for a number, 1 through 0. Letters are assigned to most of the numbers. Most of the numbers have three letters assigned. As you dial each number of a telephone number, the dial returns counterclockwise. After completing the dialing, you could reach your friend (or anybody else).
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Mr. Jones filed a lawsuit against the company he worked for. He claimed that the company he worked for was drugging him to make him a better worker. He claimed that the coffee the company provided contained a drug called Trimethylxanthine. Trimethylxanthine is an addictive drug that increases alertness, improves concentration, and gives you a euphoric feeling. It operates using the same mechanisms that amphetamines, cocaine, and heroin use to stimulate the brain only to a lesser degree. When the coffee was tested it was found that it did contain large amounts of Trimethylxanthine. But, Mr. Jones did not win his lawsuit. Why?
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

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