Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday March 26, 2014.  

Steven Wright Pondering….
 
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
 
How young can you die of old age?
 
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
 
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
 
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
 
On the other hand… You have different fingers.
 
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
 
Women… Can’t live with ’em… Can’t shoot ’em.
 
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
 
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I’ll let you have the pen!
What do batteries run on?
Are there any questions?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.”
–Albert Einstein
“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”
–Abraham Lincoln
“Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”
–Mark Twain
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”
“Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Why couldn’t you ‘a just put the bunny back in the box?’
 
Answer:  Con Air! An aggravated Nicolas Cage speaking to a prisoner going through his possessions
in the baggage compartment.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Touch me again and I’ll kill ya.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are alternate definitions for words, based on how the words sound. For example, “To drive by the docks: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _.” would result in “PASSPORT (Pass Port)”. Can you guess the words described below?
 
1. What white bears see with: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
2. A car’s memoirs: A _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
3. How judges get to a small island: C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
4. To live long: D _ _ _ _ _. 
5. How good a fibber one is: L _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. 
6. In favor of young men and women: P _ _ _ _ _ _.  
 
ANSWER:  1. Polarize (polar eyes)
2. Autobiography (auto biography)
3. Courtship (court ship)
4. Dilate (die late)
5. Liability (lie ability)
6. Protein (pro-teen) 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.
Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.
 
Last Names: Ding, Flay, King, Lynn, Payne, Peace
Professions: Musician, Author, Chef, Comedian, Architect, Politician
 
The hint provides the first names.
 
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

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