Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday March 24, 2014.  

Some of the worst Puns……
 
I changed my I Pod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now .
 
When chemists die, they barium.
 
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
 
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .
 
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time .
 
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.
 
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .
 
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore .
 
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down .
 
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
 
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
 
A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 
 
Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .
 
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz .
 
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
 
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me .
 
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
 
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils ?
 
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .
 
What does a clock do when it’s hungry ? It goes back four seconds.
 
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. 
Then it hit me !
 
Broken pencils are pointless.
 
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
 
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ? 
A thesaurus.
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
 
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .
 
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! 
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they’d mind leaving the room, husbands and boyfriends were already gone.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Let’s name the Pope’s favorite movies. There’s ‘Holy Ghost Busters.’ ‘Dude, Where’s My Cardinal?’ ‘Sistine Candles.’ ‘Amen in Black.’ ‘Live and Let Diocese.’ ‘A Pew Good Men.’ And ‘How to Train Your Deacon.'” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Vice President Biden said today that the U.S. is considering sending troops to the Baltic states bordering Russia. According to Biden, the Baltic states are the territories located just past Boardwalk and Park Place.” -Seth Meyers 
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
“What’s the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket–she’s prepared to shop. 
What’s the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn–he’s prepared for traffic.
 
“What’s the first toy a little girl wants? A doll–she’s prepared to shop with friends. 
What’s the first toy a little boy wants? A gun–he’s prepared for traffic.”
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???   ‘I don’t tip.’  ‘You don’t tip?’  ‘I don’t tip because society says I have to.’
 
Answer: Reservoir Dogs! From the famous restaurant scene.  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘He confided in me before he ran out of breath.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word is a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.
 
Example:  Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep  
Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
 
1. Building: ant uhp yte alk ttr wrq ase
2. Kettledrum: qwt gig hjm klp all rnq tti
3. Image: ppo ghi kcl axt dug nrm eue
4. Music: sds fof uhk jnl dlk  
 
ANSWER: 1. Building: THEATRE
2. Kettledrum: TIMPANI
3. Image: PICTURE
4. Music: SOUND
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What are your answers to the respective questions so that your answers to all the questions are correct?
 
——————————————
 
Question 1
The answer to Question 2 is:
A. B
B. C
C. A
 
Question 2 
The first question with correct answer B is:
A. Question 3
B. Question 1
C. Question 2
 
Question 3 
The only answer you have not chosen yet is:
A. A
B. B
C. C
 
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

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