Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday March 19, 2014.  

PUNS for Hump Day..
 
  1. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  2. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  4. Cat puns freak meowt. Seriously, I’m not kitten!
  5. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  6. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  7. Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”.
  8. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  9. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
10. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “where the heck is the ceiling?!”
12. Why is an alarm clock going “off” when it actually turns on?
13. Anyone who says “nothing is impossible” has obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
14. He was as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
15. Success is not about who you know, rather who knows you.
16. Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
17. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
18. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
19. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
20. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.”
–Robert Louis Stevenson
“Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.”
–Sir Francis Bacon
“What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can.”
–Henry David Thoreau
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A woman say to her lawyer, I want to divorce my husband?
“On what grounds?”
“Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”
“Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.”
getting exasperated “Does he beat you up?”
“No, I’m up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn’t get up until after I’ve left for work.”
“WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
“We just can’t seem to communicate.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 
What movie is this quote from???  ‘Son, you got a panty on your head.’
Answer:  Raising Arizona! From the convenience store scene.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Fried pork rinds anyone?’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The Antisocial Club meets every week at Jim’s Bar. Since they are so antisocial, however, everyone always sits as far as possible from the other members, and no one ever sits right next to another member. Because of this, the 25-stool bar is almost always less than half full and unfortunately for Jim the members that don’t sit at the bar don’t order any drinks. Jim, however, is pretty smart and makes up a new rule: The first person to sit at the bar has to sit at one of two particular stools. If this happens, then the maximum number of members will sit at the bar. Which stools must be chosen? Assume the stools are numbered 1 to 25 and are arranged in a straight line. 
 
ANSWER: The first person must take either stool 9 or 17 (because of symmetry, it doesn’t matter which). Assume they pick seat 9. The next person will pick seat 25, since it is the furthest from seat 9. The next two people will take Seats one and 17. The next three will occupy 5, 13, and 21. The next six will occupy 3, 7, 11, 15, 19, and 23. This seats the maximum of 13 people, and no one is sitting next to another person. If a seat other than 9 or 17 is chosen first, the total bar patrons will be less than 13.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
 
1. Pebbles, rock fragments -> Tomb; serious
2. Prearranged fight with weapons -> Payable on demand; owed
3. Experience emotion; touch -> Fixed charge
4. Implement used for a job -> Also; excessively
5. Standard of perfection -> Mental concept; thought
6. Speech pattern with long vowels -> To sketch
7. Artist’s tripod -> Freedom from hardship
8. Pale tint of colour -> Glue; a soft malleable mixture
 
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

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