Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday February 28, 2014.  

 
More Daffy Definitions For Friday!

Handicap – A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship – A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet – What a hen does to an egg.
Hay – Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight – A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty – Loading an elephant.
Hence – An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes – What a guy in a boat does.
High school – A school atop the Sears Building.
High water – The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya – A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke – A church on fire.
House Keeper – A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person – A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal – A sick bird.
Installment – Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad – A short ladder.
Laughing Stock – Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan – A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law – Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank – What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket – A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service – Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper – A small boy diving.
Long Jump – When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook – A book about matches.
Megaphone – A very large telephone.
Mistletoe – Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty – How golfers create divots.
Mohair – What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business – A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron – Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball – A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback – One result of seasickness.
Network – The process of making nets.
Outfit – Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap – When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded – An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed – A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist – One that can’t advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox – Two physicians.
Parasites – What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian – An endagered species.
Period – A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist – A helper on the farm.
Piggyback – A lost pig is back home.
Pigment – A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple – An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize – What penguins see with.
Pole Vault – A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite – A light on a pole.
Polygon – A parrot that got away.
Priesthood – A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate – Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest – Testing a professional person.
Put-down – To hot to handle.
Quarterback – Change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a dollar bill.
Reform – To gain or lose weight.
Refuse – Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief – What trees do in the spring.
Remind – A brain transplant.
Rest Stop – The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire – Replacement of tires.
Ringworm – Worm with a bell.
Rock Music – A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman – A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage – “Groundog”.
Scorekeeper – Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff – The show has been cancelled.
Selfish – What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry – Single people only.
Standing Order – Freeze!
Subdued – Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed – Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny – A bright boy.
Sunbeam – A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn – What you basked for.
Sundial – An old-timer.
Sweater – A person that freely perspires.
Syntax – All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers – People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper – A guy that didn’t return your watch.
Tireless – Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks – The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not – A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid – A soft drink for tourists.
Vegetarian – An old indian word meaning “bad hunter.”
Vitamin – What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron – A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall – A “watered-down” place in a stream.
Well Done – A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend – A book with a blah ending.
Whether – Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife – Living it up!
Witchcraft – Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck – Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout – An outside job.
Writer – One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book – A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour – Time kept by a “cuckoo” clock.
  
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Making his first visit to our show tonight is Bill O’Reilly. Bill is here to promote his book ‘Killing Jesus.’ I’m going to have to tell him someone else did a book on that subject and it sold quite well.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study of online dating profiles reveals that women respond 31 percent better to men who use the word ‘whom.’ Frankly, I don’t know whom these men are, or whom they’re trying to impress.” -Conan O’Brien
“Charlie Sheen announced that he is getting married for the fourth time. Charlie said, ‘I just know this is the woman I’m going to be with for the rest of my February.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview.
Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone else. It read: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? Girls who glide need guys who make them thump.’ 
 
Answer: Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead! The title came from a Warren Zevon song.  
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘I can’t play Pooh to your Christopher Robin.’
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
 A vacationing family sitting around the campfire has the following conversation:
 
1. Father: What day is it? I am sure it isn’t Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. 
2. Mother: Well that’s not very helpful dear. Besides yesterday was Friday. 
3. Father: No, now that I think about it, yesterday wasn’t Friday, tomorrow is Friday. 
4. Jon: The day after tomorrow is Thursday. 
5. Meg: You are nuts. Tomorrow is Thursday. 
6. Mother: Actually, it’s probably Thursday today. 
7. Jon: All we know for sure is that it wasn’t Sunday yesterday. 
 
If only one statement above is true, what day of the week is it? 
 
ANSWER: Number each person’s statement and write down the list of days that it could be according to each statement.
 
1. Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday 
2. Saturday 
3. Thursday 
4. Tuesday 
5. Wednesday 
6. Thursday 
7. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday 
 
The only day mentioned one time is Monday. Therefore it must be Monday, otherwise one of the other statements would be true. 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Find all ten words described below.
 
——————-
 
The first word you’ll need 
is a tool used to snare.
Reverse and add one:
a dwelling filled with fresh air.
 
Append the letter H
to find a metric sort of part.
Now change N to E to get
a smile, at its heart.
 
Tack on an ‘I N G’
to make a baby’s cross to bear.
Remove the center two
and find a golfer’s action there.
 
Add an S and drop the E’s:
A painful bite you’ll see.
Add one to the end: you will make
penny-pinching, miserly.
 
Put first 2 and last 2 out the door,
What’s left is really cool.
Only keep the first half of that
And now you find the fool.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
  

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