Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday February 27, 2014.  

Dialogues 
 
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I’ll deal with you later.
Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Psychiatrist: Next please!
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn’t you pray for Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn’t want to ask for too much.
Parent: I’d like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You have my full permission!
Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.
Captain: My, weren’t you afraid that you’d fall off?
Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn’t do something?
Teacher: Well, I don’t suppose so.
Student: In that case, I didn’t do my homework.
Jim: What’s white, steep, and has ears?
Tara: I don’t know.
Jim: A snow-covered mountain.
Tara: What about the ears?
Jim: Haven’t you ever heard of mountaineers?
Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.
Camp Counselor: There isn’t a B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one!
Student: Teacher, how can I look up a word to spell in the dictionary
if I don’t know how to spell the word in the first place?
Teacher: Why do they call it a Hot Water Heater? You don’t need to heat hot water!
Polly: Why are you eating nickels?
Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can’t remember anything.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?
Ben: Did you hear about the new dance called the elevator?
Mike: I sure didn’t! What’s it like?
Ben: It has no steps!
Mailman 1: A dog bit me on the leg this morning.
Mailman 2: Did you put anything on it?
Mailman 1: No, he liked it plain.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“While celebrating Canada’s defeat over Sweden in men’s hockey, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford walked into a fire hydrant, injuring his groin. It’s really saying something when this is the least embarrassing thing Rob Ford has done all year. It’s almost presidential for Rob Ford.”  –Seth Meyers
“A Florida man is running for Congress as a write-in candidate at the age of 101. He has a good chance of appealing to younger voters since that’s all there is.” –Seth Meyers
“The Winter Olympics in Sochi wrapped up yesterday. Canada beat Sweden for the gold medal in men’s hockey. People in Canada were going crazy. They spent all night knocking over cars, and then picking them back up and leaving a nice note.” –Jimmy Fallon
“The president of the Ukraine, Viktor Yanukovych, was ousted in a major uprising this weekend. This could be bad for Vladimir Putin because a lot of people think he and Yanukovych were friends. I guess that’s why today Putin said, ‘We weren’t REAL friends. Just Facebook friends.” –Jimmy Fallon
“The Sochi Olympics are over. Russia ended up with the most gold medals. Russian athletes said, ‘We played like our lives were on the line because our lives WERE on the line.'” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. “For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.” At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued. “For 95 points, tell me which tire it was.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.’
 
Answer:  Reservoir Dogs! Spoken by Mr. White, played by Harvey Keitel. Harvey Keitel’s wife was teaching an acting class and came across the script.
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? Girls who glide need guys who make them thump.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
 Each pair of definitions is for two words, where the second word is the first word with a letter deleted (example: brand & band). The length of the first word in each pair is provided, along with the position of the deleted letter to obtain the second word.
 
1) covered with soft thick hair (5 letters) & (delete 3rd letter) violent anger, wild rage
2) a fabric made of fibrous material (5 letters) & (delete 5th letter) to coagulate
3) the relative resistance of a material to scratching or denting (8 letters) & (delete 4th letter) the straps by which a parachute is fastened to a person
4) a hypnotic, cataleptic, or ecstatic state (6 letters) & (delete 4th letter) a barely perceptible amount
 
ANSWER: 1) furry & fury
2) cloth & clot
3) hardness & harness
4) trance & trace 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A vacationing family sitting around the campfire has the following conversation: 
 
1. Father: What day is it? I am sure it isn’t Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. 
2. Mother: Well that’s not very helpful dear. Besides yesterday was Friday. 
3. Father: No, now that I think about it, yesterday wasn’t Friday, tomorrow is Friday. 
4. Jon: The day after tomorrow is Thursday. 
5. Meg: You are nuts. Tomorrow is Thursday. 
6. Mother: Actually, it’s probably Thursday today. 
7. Jon: All we know for sure is that it wasn’t Sunday yesterday. 
 
If only one statement above is true, what day of the week is it?
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
  

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