Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 26, 2014.  


Daffy Definitions
 
Abundance – A baker’s exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator – A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Arcade – A lemonade type drink served on Noah’s Ark.
Avoidable – What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter – A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney – Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid – A fund to help a band.
Bernadette – The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize – What a crook sees with.
Cadillac – Lack of cattle.
Contents – Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control – A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout – The cook’s day off.
Counterfeiters – Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick – Bashing a cow.
Cowhide – Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail – Removing a tail.
Dieting – The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle – A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut – Holey food.
Eclipse – What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper – A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club – A weapon used by a celebrity so he won’t be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained – Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head – An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape – A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady – Eve.
Flying Saucers – The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper – (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town – A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout – A boy that “scouts” for girls.
Good-bye – A bargain.
Gossip – 24-hour teller.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“If you cannot convince them, confuse them.”
— Harry S. Truman
“No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.”
— Yogi Berra
“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
— Groucho Marx
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man was taking his pregnant (with twins) wife to the hospital when he got into a bad car accident. Upon regaining consciousness, he finds his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting bedside.
He asks his brother how his wife is & his brother says,
“Don’t worry, everyone is fine. In fact, you have a healthy son & daughter too…but the hospital was in a real hurry with the birth certificates and I had to name the kids, because you and your wife were both unconscious.”
“Oh no,” thought the husband, “what has he done now?”
“Well, what did you name them?” he asks. His brother says, “I named the little girl Denise.”
The husband says, “Why that’s a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?”
“Denephew”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘It’s like in a Hitchcock movie, you know, where they tie you up in a rubber bag and throw you in the trunk. You find people.’
 
Answer: Waiting for Guffman! The only scenes that were actually scripted for this movie were the ‘Red White and Blaine’ scenes – everything else was ad-libbed by the actors. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended. 
 
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
 
SLIP ___________ LINED
BREAD __________ CASE
OTHER __________ CRACK 
 
ANSWER: SLIP – STREAM – LINED
BREAD – BASKET – CASE
OTHER – WISE – CRACK  
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each pair of definitions is for two words, where the second word is the first word with a letter deleted (example: brand & band). The length of the first word in each pair is provided, along with the position of the deleted letter to obtain the second word.
 
1) covered with soft thick hair (5 letters) & (delete 3rd letter) violent anger, wild rage
2) a fabric made of fibrous material (5 letters) & (delete 5th letter) to coagulate
3) the relative resistance of a material to scratching or denting (8 letters) & (delete 4th letter) the straps by which a parachute is fastened to a person
4) a hypnotic, cataleptic, or ecstatic state (6 letters) & (delete 4th letter) a barely perceptible amount
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 
  

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