Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Thursday February 20, 2014.  

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
7. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
8. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
9. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
11. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
12. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
13. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
14. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
15. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
16. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
17. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
18. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
19. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“Welcome to ‘The Tonight Show.’ This is the first ‘Tonight Show’ broadcast from New York in over 40 years. I’m Jimmy Fallon and I’ll be your host . . . for now.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Of course, I wouldn’t be here tonight if it weren’t for the previous ‘Tonight Show’ hosts, so I want to say ‘thank you’ to Steve Allen, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien, and Jay Leno. Amazing lineage.” –Jimmy Fallon
“I had a great childhood, but if you’d told me when I was a kid that after graduating high school, I’d get to be on ‘Saturday Night Live’ and eventually I’d be the host of ‘The Tonight Show,’ I’d have said, ‘I graduated high school?'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The U.S. men’s hockey team beat Russia on Saturday in a very dramatic shoot-out. That was exciting. The American team said they’re thrilled with the win, while the Russian team is missing.” Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His personal psychic advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is delighted with this news,
“This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.
“No,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  ‘There are two hundred and fifteen bones in the human body. That’s *one*.’
Answer: Terminator 2: Judgment Day! Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) talks as tough as she acts, after breaking the arm of her psychiatrist, Dr. Silberman (Earl Boen). Unfortunately, her (or, to be fair, writer-director James Cameron’s) knowledge of anatomy is a little off: there are actually 206 bones in the human body, not 215. Oops. 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I hate you more! If hate were people…I’d be China!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
If you choose to answer this question at random, what are the chances you will be correct?
A) 25%
B) 50%
C) 60%
D) 25% 
ANSWER: 0%  If you were to choose 25%, that would be wrong, because there are two 25% answers, giving you a probability of 50%, which is also not possible, because the answer 50% is only offered once as an option. It’s a probability paradox! 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Guess this prefix…
I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
I change something alive into something flat and not alive.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at LINKS2 CHECK OUT:,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 


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