Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

564598_466650906788908_297971999_n

WELCOME to Monday February 10, 2014.  

Classic Deft Definitions – Crisp and Clear 
 
Ant 
A busy insect that still finds time to go to picnics. 
 
Adder 
Mathematically inclined snake. 
 
Atheism 
Non-prophet organization. 
 
Babies 
Nature’s way of showing people what the world looks like at 2 a.m. 
 
Baby sitter 
A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers. 
 
Buffet 
A French word which means “Get up and get it yourself.” 
 
Charisma 
That mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.
 
Comic books 
The opera of the print media. 
 
Drama 
What literature does at night.
 
Ecstasy 
Discovering a second layer of chocolates under the first. 
 
Ego trip 
Something that never gets you anywhere. 
 
Emergency numbers 
Police station, fire department, and places that deliver.
 
Eternity 
The first 60 seconds of a blind date.
 
Etiquette 
Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.
 
Fancy Restaurant 
One that serves cold soup on purpose. 
 
Fear 
Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.
 
Great economist 
Someone who, tomorrow, is perfectly capable of explaining why what he 
forecasted yesterday didn’t happen today.
 
Kissing 
A means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other. 
 
Marriage 
A friendship recognized by the police. 
 
Mobile phones 
The only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest. 
 
Net worth 
Fisherman’s income. 
 
Perfectionist 
A person who takes great pains and gives them to others. 
 
Pessimist 
Someone who complains of the noise when opportunity knocks.
 
Poise 
The ability to continue speaking fluently while the other fellow is picking up the cheque. 
 
Quartet 
Where all four think the other three can’t sing.
 
Real Patriot 
The fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
 
Semiconductors 
Part-time band leaders.
 
Slimming 
Living beyond your seams. 
 
Summer vacation 
When parents suddenly realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. 
 
Superstition 
Dark side of wonder. 
 
Tattoo 
Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
 
Walking 
A form of exercise that loses some appeal when it’s done behind a lawn mower. 
 
Workaholic 
Someone whose favorite entertainment is Monday morning. 
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea admitted the band faked playing during the Super Bowl. In his defense, so did the Broncos.” –Conan O’Brien
 
“The Russians have spent $51 billion on the Olympics – $51 billion. With that kind of money the Yankees could buy themselves a mediocre player.” –David Letterman
 
“CVS is no longer selling cigarettes. They say, ‘It’s the right thing to do for our customers and our company in their path for better health.’ I go to CVS all the time. If they want to promote better health, maybe they should stop selling Cheese Whiz, Circus Peanuts, Little Debbie jelly rolls and all the ingredients for meth.” –Jimmy Kimmel
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Once there was a competition conducted with Scientists from America, France and China.
 
The Americans reported: “We crossed chickens with cows. And now the new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.”
 
On this, Scientists from France came with the report: “We crossed flies and bees. Now, the hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.”
 
Chinese gave others run for their money.
 
They said: “We crossed a melon with cockroaches. And now when you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves…”  
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   ‘Awww, look — you gave that tall man some flowers.’ 
 
Answer: Men in Black! James Edwards III (Will Smith) provides us with an amusing interpretation of a vintage photograph of K (Tommy Lee Jones) befriending an alien. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘And there he goes, up to his room to write the new hit song, ‘Alone In My Principles’!’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
RIDDLE ME THIS
Not born, but from a Mother’s body drawn, I hang until half of me is gone. I sleep in a cave until I grow old, then valued for my hardened gold. What am I?  
 
 
ANSWER:  Cheese! 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
All answers end in sting and the whole word is obtained in the clues below.
 
eg: A sting that cures fatigue
answer: reSTING
 
1. A sting that cures hunger
2. A sting that cleans your room
3. A sting that makes you laugh
4. A sting that cooks your meat
5. A sting that spoils your tools
6. A sting that holds your attention
7. A sting that some observe in Lent
8. A sting that cooks are always using
9. A sting that browns your bread
 
  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s