Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

survivaldemotivator

WELCOME to Wednesday January 29, 2014.  

Strange and Funny Signs….
 
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
 
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
 
At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit please back in.”
 
On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
 
On a Plumbers truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
 
Pizza Shop Slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
 
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
 
On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
 
At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
 
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
 
In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
 
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
 
At an Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
 
On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
 
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
 
On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
 
At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
 
Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
 
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. 
Sit! Stay!”
 
At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.” 
 
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
 
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
 
At a Propane Filling Station: “Tank heaven for little grills.”
 
At a Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.
A teenage boy to his father… “Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.” –Charles Almon in The Wall Street Journal
“I just bought a microwave fireplace…You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only eight minutes.” -Steven Wright
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
The best illustration of the value of brief speech was given by Mark Twain.
His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was goingto contribute fifty dollars… after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars…after a half hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars.
At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you know how stupid he is? He thinks that the
Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.’  
 
Answer: A Fish Called Wanda! Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis) is describing Otto (Kevin Kline), who *hates* being called stupid. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘I didn’t call you a retard; I called you a mongoloid. And I took it back.’ 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
 The sphinx wanted to know which one of the three gods stole the golden apple. Was it Horus, Anubis or Osiris?
 
”I didn’t,” said Horus.
”Osiris did,” said Anubis.
”Anubis is lying,” said Osiris
 
The sphinx knew that one god was telling the truth and the other two were lying.
 
Who stole the golden apple?
 
ANSWER: Horus stole the golden apple. Horus and Anubis were lying. Osiris was telling the truth.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes to spell a 7-letter word, a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
 
CULTIVATE
 
1. _ A _ I _ N _
2. _ O _ N _ 
3. _ C _
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 
 

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